3 months…and the list keeps growing…

I haven’t gotten completely out of the habit of counting gifts, I’ve just ran out of time blogging them…so here we are catching up:

91. wonderful RNs and Aids taking care of dad in the hospital

92.  catching Big Boy’s ear infection early

93.  Middle Boy being so cute right before getting his tubes

94.  Sweet RNs that loved on Middle after his surgery

95.  in-laws watching the boys so Jas & I could have a much needed date night

96.  watching Big’s imagination and hearing him sing his pirate songs

97.  the peace that washed over me on Good Friday morning when I reflected on my week & realized what He did for me

98.  connecting with dad’s RN at the ECF and realizing they are Christians

99.  Dad turning his cell phone on for our 7:30am call on the days I couldn’t visit him so we could talk.

100.  Dad liking the nursing home he’s in.

101.  Just when I think I can’t take anymore- Easter weekend reminds me I don’t have to

102.  The act of finding the eucharisteo

103.  A steady job with a good paycheck

104.  Comfortable shoes for work

105.  Middle feeling significantly better after his tubes

106.  a day with my boys

107.  hubs helping my dad with oncologist appointments

108.  (in)courage community video

109.  all 3 boys content at the same time, independent of one another

110.  (109) that let me make coffee

111.   dad being able to make his own decisions

112.  a family gathering

113.  a royal fairy tale

********

 

Then life got really busy (these are obviously from a few weeks ago).

Tomorrow starts the memorial services for my dad'.  Today, I needed an attitude change and to think back on the gifts I failed to count this last week.

 

114.  hospice RNs and doctors that lived life with us these past few days

115. social workers and nurse managers that were on our team

116.  my dad’s proud face when he completed his physical therapy and the gals doted on him

117.  5/12/11 the last full day I spent with dad…his friend came up and we had lots of fun joking around

118.  that day also when I realized dad’s fight was almost over and he was okay with it

119.  saying good bye to my dad and hearing him tell me how much he loved me

120.  being by his side as he took his last breath

121.  knowing he is walking with Jesus now…the angels are rejoicing

122.  3 months – the amount of time from diagnosis to dad’s passing

123.  3 months – the amount of time I had to get closer to my dad and sisters

124.  my best friend coming over to help me prepare the photo collages for the funeral home

125.  the mixed bag of emotions that includes grief, relief, and of course, eucharisteo

 

I know this is wednesday, so I’ll link this monday to Ann Voskamp’s blog.

 

I would appreciate your prayers Thursday and Friday as we have the visitation and memorial for my dad.  Thank you for your support and prayers up to this point.

 

Much Love,

Where is the Sun?

Last month I posted about dancing in the rain… I feel like it’s been pouring ever since.

I’ve mentioned it quite a bit on twitter but I wanted to update on here.  I’m having a rough patch.  It’s hard trying to balance my own gaggle of littles and a sick parent at the same time.  Jason has cut back his work hours so I can have my days during the week to be with dad.  It’s tough to sit there and just watch him sleep but I know he’s thankful I’m there.  And I’m just praying he feels the comfort of Jesus through my hands and feet serving him.  I’m so appreciative of Jason’s support to allow me to spend time with dad…but I’m struggling with balance.

I miss my boys.  I miss cooking for them.  I’m tired.  I want to work out.  My diet is non-existent right now (which is really hurting me because my dad made me promise to not let his illness deter my diet).  I want to do fun home pre-school activities with my boys.  I want to plant my garden.  I want to blog.

Psalm 42: 11 (the Message) Why are you down in the dumps dear soul?  Why are you crying the blues?  Fix my eyes on God-soon I’ll be praising again.  He puts a smile on my face.  He is my God

This morning instead of looking at the things that are out of focus and blurry, I want to look at things that are in focus….

I’ve been finding my strength in God’s word (writing out my SOAP notes from reading in Psalms).

I’ve been praying for my boys daily using the Warrior Prayers.

I’m gearing up for my mental battles using Hide His Word.

I’m still counting my blessings and processing the book one thousand gifts.

I have wonderful friends physically present in my life and in cyberspace.  It’s as if God knew I would need support and encouragement right now (grin).

 

After a night when my dreams torment me and a rough morning of feeling like I can’t get it together I remembered the things that are in focus.  I feel peace calming my heart, washing over me like a waterfall.  The sun will soon shine and all that is in my heart to accomplish will either be accomplished or just not matter.  I’m focusing right now on what is most important.  At times I may feel like it’s not enough but I have to step back and bring my blurry view back to focus.

 

Have you ever had things out of focus?  Felt dizzy and unbalanced?  I’d love to know how you juggle the desire to do it all…I’d love to know how you balance kids and work and family and exercise.  Really, help me out…tell me?  Let’s talk about it!!!  I want to get through this stronger on the other side!!! 

Sunday SOAP

 

I’ve decided to try a new feature here at Momma Kristi, mainly to help myself to accountable to my own personal quiet time.  I’ve never been great at a committed quiet time.  I do really well when it comes to following someone else’s words or study (I’ve loved doing Beth Moore, Kay Arthur and Elizabeth George studies).  I seem to get easily distracted when I just try to sit and read!   I learned about a Bible Study method at my church a few summers ago and have really enjoyed (when I’ve used it).  It’s called SOAP notes and it’s based a book by Wayne Cordeiro and if you’d like more info about it, please let me know!!!

Unfortunately I got out the habit of it, but then I found the B90days challenge at www.Momstoolbox.com  and I noticed she had some information about SOAP on her site.  I got really excited and decided to join up with the B90days challenge, but decided not to try SOAPing it, I was worried about getting overwhelmed.

But now B90days is over, I graduated, I’m so excited about it!!  However, in the days immediately following B90days, I found myself missing my time in the Word.  I tried several days just to read, threw around some ideas of what to do instead and ended up doing nothing.  Since I’m doing the Hide His Word Challenge and 21 Days of Prayers for our Sons, I knew I didn’t want to bite off too much.  After chatting with a friend, I decided to follow her suggestion and SOAP through the Psalms.

So every Sunday I’m *hoping* to post one of my SOAP notes from my week.  Here’s day one of my new SOAP journal:

Psalm 1 Delight (4/6/11)

Scripture:  But his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night. Psalm 1:2

Observation:  He loves (delights in) the Word of God (the law) and because of that he thinks about it (meditates) all the time!!!

Apllication:  How can I delight in the law- what can I do to be in the Word day and night? Through SOAP notes, topical studies, memorizing, praying scripture & music.

Prayer:  Lord, I’m here now, I want you to be my delight!  I want to meditate on your word and I want it in my mind and heart and I want to share it with others too!!  Thank you for the tools- show me what and how!!!  Thank you Jesus!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Day 6 in the 21 days of prayer for sons challenge

I mentioned before that I was joining up with my bloggy friend Brooke for her 21 days of prayer for sons challenge and it started last Friday.  I’m committing to pray for my boys 5 days a week from the scriptures that Brooke compiled in her e-book Warrior Prayers. 

(I had my e-book spiral bound and I love love love it!!)

Praying the actual scriptures for my boys is a new concept to me thanks to Brooke.  It’s a simple concept really, and I love how it’s keeping me in the Word (one of my steps to fight the battles going on in my life that I mentioned yesterday)

I’m so thankful for this challenge and it’s causing me to see my boys differently.  So far I’ve prayed for their obedience, submission to authority, integrity, avoiding foolishness, pride, and purity.  I’m finding these prayers are appropriate to pray for myself and Jason as we walk in our faith as well.

The actual challenge involves 10 verses on each topic every day to pray over your boys.  I’ve been tweaking my morning routine this last week and I think I’ve found something that works.  When I get up (not nearly as early as I wanted to be, but we’re working on it), I’m having my quiet time with the Lord.  During my prayer time for the boys, I’ve decided to write the prayers out in a moleskine notebook so I can keep them with me every day and refer to them throughout the day. I’m kind of hoping this attitude of prayer becomes a way of life for me and that these prayers don’t just stay with me for 21 days.

Photo taken with the Instagram app on my iPhone

(I have a slight addiction to these little moleskine notebooks and am using them for nearly everything!!).

So there you have it, that is how this prayer challenge is going for me.  I love it, I love how it’s changing my attitude and I love how it’s changing my heart for my boys!!!

Are you participating in the #21days4sons?  How are you using the prayers and ebook?

 

I’m linking this up with the other amazing mom’s and dad’s that are also praying for their sons at Brooke’s blog today.  Please hop on over…she’s giving away a book!!

 

Much love,

 

Some days are just hard….

I’m trying really hard to get it together, honestly I am.  I feel like I have a lot on my plate.  I just want to be completely honest with everyone out there, some days are just hard!! 

 

I’m not saying this to have people feel sorry for me or tell me I can get through it, I just want to get it out!!  I don’t want to sound whiney, but again, some days are just hard.

I feel like my to do list is never ending…I have really really good intentions.

I just want to take care of my dad and fix everything.

My middle boy needs tubes in his ears, and that is scheduled for the same day as dad’s next chemo round.

Sometimes, no matter how much you read, pray, and trust in God to take care of things, there is still anxiety and depression.  I do not believe that this anxiety and depression I am feeling is because a lack of faith or a particular sin in my life.  I know I am a sinner but I also know I am saved by the grace of Jesus Christ.

So what do you do when that other stuff rears its ugly head?

Here’s my plan:

Spend time in the Word daily.

Memorize Scripture in order to have verses on my heart and in my mind instead of negative self talk.

Pray fervently each day for others needs (to help me take the focus off of myself).

Pray fervently for myself every day!!

Talk to my husband and be honest about what is going on with me.

Talk to my doctor at my appointment on Monday about all this is going on in my life and see if I have some more options medication wise.

Rest, rest, rest.

Ask for prayers from others.

Continue to read encouraging words from others (namely one thousand gifts).

Make a list of all that needs done, line it up with my priorities and see what matters most!

Be BRAVE.

Know what my limits are and ask for help when I need it.

Remember these words:

Psalm 27:14 (New Living Translation)

¹⁴ Wait patiently for the Lord.
      Be brave and courageous.
      Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

 

He will not give up on me and He is not finished with me!!

 

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional.  I’m a mom that has suffered from depression, postpartum depression and anxiety.  I’m a believer in Jesus Christ.  I believe this is not how God intended me to feel and I believe that we, as moms, deserve to get help when we need it!!  Depression can be serious and nasty, please seek professional help if you are experiencing symptoms or are afraid.

Have you ever experienced depression?  What have you done to battle it?  Can I pray for you somehow?  If you’d rather not comment, feel free to use the button on the side to email me.  I’d love to talk to you!!

 

Also, I now have my blog set up for email subscribing, have a daily dose (or however often I post) delivered for free right into your mailbox!!  Fill in your address on the box to the right.

I believe that even though I don’t have it all together now, nor may I ever have it all together, God is using this time to use me, maybe it’s to help you.  I’m sure I still have stuff to learn too!!  Let’s take this journey together!!

Much Love,

Hanging in there….

All is well for the most part with us…recovering from illness in our household (mommy and all three boys).  Dad got his first round of chemo this weekend and I’ll be spending most of the next two days helping out there…

Dad’s official diagnosis is Stage 4 Small Cell Lung Cancer with metastases.  He got 3 doses of chemo over the weekend and is actually feeling pretty good.  Praise the Lord!!!  We’re hoping to spend time as a family this weekend (Praying I can get someone to work for me so I can be there).

I’m realizing sometimes God is telling me to slow down…I’m moving way too fast for my own good….

 

Photo by Hope @ Pixosphere 

I’m reflecting as I try to take on more stuff, fit it into the same amount of time, and slow down all at the same time…

As a result….

The next few weeks may not have a lot of blog posts.  I have lots of ideas churning in my head…I’m hoping to get some stuff down and start a regular rotation of posts…

Can you help me?

My question for you…what kind of things do you want to read about!!  You can either leave me a comment or email me using the button on the side.  I’d love to hear from you!!  My intent is not to be gone too long, I love blogging and I love the community of women I’m meeting through blogging.  It’s truly helping me keep my sanity!!  Seriously.

I will be on twitter likely during this blog quiet time…you can follow me @MommaKristi

Some posts you will see hopefully soon on here are

#b90days update (I’m finished!!!)

Hide His Word (and maybe a vlog)

Garden planning

Meal planning (I really need to get back with it).

I’m hoping to get back on the weight watchers bandwagon this week….far too off program for my own good at this point. 

So in case it’s quiet…know we’re ok.  Just keep praying for us!!  and as I said, I’m hoping to throw some posts together this week!!

And don’t forget that the 21 days of prayer for our boys starts Friday!!

 

And dear friends…how are you?  How can I pray for you, help you, support you right now?  If God has shown me anything in this time…it’s that we need one another in this community!!  I’ve been overwhelmed by the outpouring of prayers and support by my dearest “in real life” friends and new friends I’m making online!!  I want to return the support to you as well!!!

Much Love,

I’m a boy mom…..

In light of what's been going on over the last few months with my dad and the busy-ness called life- I've got one constant and that's my faith in Jesus Christ. That has not changed. Another thing that hasn't changed is he 3 little boys that call me mommy.

I find it ironic that I'm a boy mom (and have 3 little boys under three and a half). If you know me- you know that even  though I was raised a farm girl, I'm a girly girl. I love pink, American girl dolls, makeup and nail polish. I dreamed of a daughter of my own that I could share these loves with. But once Max came into my life I was changed.  I was transformed into a true boy mom.

Eighteen months later Jake was born and I was ecstatic!  These two rough and tumble little boys would be best friends!!  And then we announced another pregnancy and people would say to me withe held tilt nod "so you decided to try for a girl.". Not really!  I mean I would have been thrilled to have a girl- to use that girl name that I've held onto since 2007. But honestly- I knew he was a boy and was perfectly content with it. And Cole now joins us and our family is complete.

There are days that these three boys make me nervous (to think about them being 3 teenagers eating me out of house and home) but all in all- I've found my footing as a boy momma.

There is so much responsibility with being a boy momma though. I want to raise these boys to be Godly men that love Jesus. Surely I had no idea to do that. And Jason being a fairly new Christian himself wasn't sure where to start.

So when my Internet friend Brooke announced on twitter and the mob society website that she created an e-book of prayers for boys I literally stopped in my tracks and pre-ordered it. On. The. Spot.

It was released on valentines day and I promptly printed it and had it spiral bound at office max.  And I read. And read. And prayed. And tears fell. How amazing is it that this book on prayer was indeed an answer to prayers in my own heart that I hadn't even put into words!?!!

From the book:

“And I certainly have no idea how to raise warriors, protectors, worshippers, peacemakers, and friends by myself. But I do know how to get down on my knees and cry out to God on their behalf.”

“So I pray the Word over my boys daily.  Asking the One Who has the power to change hearts of stone into hearts of flesh to find my boys and make them His”

“Prayer.  This battle is best fought on your knees.”

“I don’t pray because I have all the answers.  I pray because I don’t.”

“I don’t pray because I can.  I pray because I can’t.”

(all quotes from WARRIOR PRAYERS, Praying the Word for Boys in the areas they need it most")

I’ve read this book.  I’ve cried tears of these prayers.  I’ve pleaded for God to intervene in these boys life in spite of how Jason and I parent them. 

And I know there are other mom’s out there doing the same thing…and that brings me comfort!!!

 

And then, Brooke decided to give us all a challenge.  To all together pray for 21 days for our boys.  It starts April 1st and I’m honored to be part of this!!

 

It's so fantastic to be part of a community of mom's that care so deeply about their boys that they will get down on their knees for them.

 

So here is my point of all this….do you have a boy?  Are you a mob? You need this book.  Simple and straight forward…It will give you the steps and the words that you don’t think you have in you and give you ways to intercede for those bundles of joy that we call our sons. 

This e-book is only $5.97 and you can print it directly from your computer.  I’m not getting anything from Brooke by saying this…I just want to invite you from the bottom of my heart to pray with me for your boys!!

Then, you can join us for the 21 day Challenge!! You don’t have to have a blog or twitter to participate, you can bookmark Brooke’s blog and just read the posts and comment there.  Or if you do want to jump in and tweet with us or blog the journey with us, please let me know I can help ya get started!!!

I love this book.  I’m so excited to see what God is going to do with a group of mom’s that are committed together to get on their knees for their sons.  I’m eager to see how exactly I can get more out of this book and maybe take it into my own church and have our own local “chapter” of the mob society and share in life together!!!

Please prayerfully consider getting this book, reading it, and joining us on April 1st as we pray up a generation of little boys to become Godly Men!!

So, what do you think?

When it rains…

Today was hard.  Really hard.

I've been trying to keep positive over the last few weeks in light of the bad news my dad got.  I really have.  I mean, all in all, things are great. 
I'm losing weight, getting organized, reading my Bible daily, and exercising.  On the outside, things look good.  In an effort to be real with you though, I have to tell the truth.  Some days I do really well.

Photo by Donna @ Pixosphere 

But today it rained.  It rained hard. 
I heard it when I woke up, hitting the roof.  I drove through it on the way to pick up lunch. It was cloudy and overcast all day long.

And I finally cried.  Real tears, hard tears...ugly cry.  I've teared up in the last few weeks, but this was ugly cry.

And it felt good. 

"They" (whoever they is) say that God won't give you more than you can handle.  Well, I'm learning that God gives you more than you could ever handle on your own in order that you fully rely on Him to get through it.

The enemy is going to continue to throw stuff my way.  Jake may have his third ear infection in three months, Max might just fight me on every meal (the boy does not eat!!), and Cole's teeth may feel like they are never going to pop through.  Jason may get this same cold the boys have.  Depression and anxiety may rear their ugly faces again in me.

But I serve a God that is the same exact God He was two and a half weeks ago.  He is still the I am!  He is bigger than ear infections, stubborn toddlers, teething babies, cancer, colds, and depression. I have to continue to trust in Him, even on days like today when the clouds roll in.

Photo by TeriLynne @ Pixosphere

I read a quote on twitter when I first started being more active there.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."
 
It's amazing how the Lord has been preparing me to handle this.  I've seen a general theme in my life of slowing down and I'm more committed to Him now than I ever have been.  All of the new things I've been working on and joining in on...they are for the "right now."

During my treadmill time the last two mornings I've listened to Seeds Family Worship (I cannot recommend these cds enough and they do not pay me to say that).

This song has been my stronghold today...

 

Even as the tears flowed down my face mixed with raindrops, this song has been in my head...on repeat.

And tonight, it's my soundtrack as I dance in the rain.

 

B90X update and other various things......

I’ve made it through another week of B90X (via www.momstoolbox.com/blog) and I can happily say I’ve been reading the Bible for 22 days (I already have Monday’s reading done!!). I had a really tough week emotionally and it’s tough to exactly put my finger on it…other than I’m sick and tired of everyone in my house being sick and tired!!

The reading was slightly monotonous in some places and very very fast paced in others (I mean we plowed through Ruth!!). We’re currently in 2 Samuel. Thanks to Jessica (my B90 Mentor- she blogs @ http://music-girl20.blogspot.com ) I’m reminded that I need to be more attentive in my reading. While I’m reading to “just get through it” I need to pay attention to what I’m reading!!! I’m so thankful for this chance and I can honestly say I look forward to my daily quiet time (or “personal worship” a phrase I found from Katie http://www.donotdepart.com/2011/01/toolbox-tuesday-evaluate-your-personal.html on twitter). I can see that I’m developing a discipline and hunger for the Word. I hope I’m creating a habit that I can keep up with even after these 90 days…even if it’s a shorter time than the current hour & 15 minute daily commitment.

In additional family notes….today is my wonderful husband’s birthday. He is truly wonderful (I know everyone says that about their hubby’s)…but I really mean it. He’s always embracing whatever new idea I have an helping me out so I can achieve my goals (like B90X). I notice I’ve really had to sacrifice a lot of time to this reading plan- I often run to the bedroom after the boys are in bed so I can catch up or get ahead in reading without distraction. Our DVR is very full…we are going to have to take some time to catch up on our beloved shows (maybe as part of his birthday “celebration” tonight). Anyway- I want to tell him how much I love him and how thankful I am for him in my life. Happy Birthday Jas!!!

We’re still all sick in our house which I can tell is taking a toll on my emotions. It’s really hard to stay positive when I just feel like crap. I’m hoping we get through it. I’ve been really trying to stay accountable to my early mornings with some gals on Twitter (#hellomornings) and I’m excited that Kat has a new challenge coming up (more info @ http://inspiredtoaction.com/2011/01/my-favorite-morning-drink-recipe-and-some-upcoming-events/) .

I’m also taking a little time re-evaluating where I am and where I want to be. Through my new #B90days friends on Twitter I’m finding all kinds of neat things like 3 in 30 (http://www.thetuckerstaketennessee.com/2010/12/3-in-30-making-goals-reality-3-at-time.html) that I’m thinking about joining up with next month and the Relevant conference (www.therelevantconference.com) that I’m thinking about attending in October. I’m realizing that I’m not necessarily living up to my potential…and while I can “do it all” and “have it all” I need to be “giving it all”. I’ve mentioned before I tend to get excited about things and sometimes spread myself too thin…I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to figure out what really matters to me and my family and act on it. I hope that the blog can be more about me seeing what that is. We’ll see how the journey goes.

And I’ve had pretty much a horrible week food wise. Being sick hasn’t helped my WW endeavors…that’s for sure. I’m real nervous about weigh in tomorrow and I need to recommit to tracking every bite!!!

This is a hodge podge of thoughts again. But really, does any mom have clear precise thoughts…if so, don’t tell me…I don’t want to know!!!

Have a great week and if you’re stopping by from twitter or B90X please say hi so I can come visit you too!!!

B90 Week 3 Check in!!

I’m completely excited about the B90Days (www.momstoolbox.com) challenge I’m participating in!!! Today (Monday, the 17^th) is Day 15 and it is already complete!! We are into Deuteronomy and I’ve never read it this quickly before (or this much before). I’m loving reading it like a novel, just enjoying the story of the Israelites journey to the promised land.

I find myself getting frustrated with the Israelites stubbornness and stupidity, yet I see myself mimicking those actions so often!! Praise God we have Jesus and are not bound by the same laws they were.

Some of my favorite verses from this week are:

Numbers 6:24-27

“the Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

Deuteronomy 30:11

“Now what I am commanding you is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach”

Deuteronomy 30:16

“For I command you today to love the Lord you God, to walk in obedience to him, and keep his commands, decrees, and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.”

Deuteronomy 31:6

“be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

I’ve been using a combination of www.youversion.com (app on my blackberry) and the official Bible in 90 days Bible (http://biblein90days.org/en/catalog/items/view.asp?catalogid=1). I love using the actual hardback Bible but sometimes the convenience of the blackberry wins out. Mom’s toolbox (www.momstoolbox.com) has some great resources (like a pdf reading schedule I have in my Bible and my planner to keep track.

I love the feeling I get of community from all the people reading right now. I’ve been checking in almost daily on Twitter using the #B90Days hashtag! (I’m @MommaKristi btw). I’m making some great “friends” and meeting some amazing people. We also have an accountability group and mentor that has been emailing us weekly and we started an e-discussion last week.

What I’ve found to work best for my reading is to read all the time!!! No joke. I’m always reading. I’ve been getting up early to exercise and read (although I didn’t exercise last week). I try to read some during naptime and I try to finish whatever day I’m on before bed. I’ve given up some tv shows in order to do this….and it’s paying off. Going into each weekend of work I’ve been a day ahead!! Work has been super busy and I haven’t had much down time at all so it’s important to get ahead during the week!!!

If you’re interested in the next B90 challenge check out Mom’s toolbox (http://www.momstoolbox.com/blog/bible-in-90-days-reading-schedule ).

If you’re visiting from the check-in or twitter- please leave a comment and say hi!!! Welcome to the blog!!!

Again, this is written via email from work so the links may be “wonky”. I apologize. Hopefully soon I’ll have an iPhone (yay Verizon) and I can do actual real blog posts from it!!!

2011...I'm ready

Happy 2011!!! I can’t believe we’re starting a new year already!!! Where did 2010 go?? We had an amazing 2010 and I’ve been full of thinking here recently…this time of year does it to me….so I thought this would be a good place to maybe try to organize my thoughts.

I took just 6 weeks to recover with all 3 boys before going back to work, but for some reason this time it was a lot harder. I came to the realization this week that if I had taken the “normal 12 weeks” I’d still be off. It makes me kind of sad to think about…especially since I had to sleep all Christmas day. I’ve been back to work for a while now and still am trying to adjust to the night/day thing. I’ve been working nights for seven years but I’m not sure how much more I can take. The schedule is glorious for wanting to do things with the boys during the week and we love our “lazy days”. But going to church and doing things on weekends is really hard. It’s also hard to switch back and forth between days and nights. I’m having trouble sleeping and I can’t do a lot of the things I want to do…which brings me to what is coming up in 2011 for me!!!!

Last year I blogged about my one little word…Focus. I didn’t elaborate on it too much but this year I’m hoping to be more involved with it. Blogger/scrapbooker Ali Edwards coined the phrase one little word (http://aliedwards.com/2010/12/one-little-word-2011.html) and has led people on a journey since 2007. I decided on my word for this year to be BRAVE. On Ali’s blog she shows a photo that has scribbled “one little word can make a big impact on your life.”

As I pondered and prayed over my word for 2011 Nicole Nordeman’s song “Brave” kept popping into my head.
The chorus to the song goes like this:
So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave

Ever since having Jake, I seem to be paralyzed with fear….I’m afraid to go out with more than 1 kid. I’m not at all as strong as I used to be (I feel like I used to be pretty independent). Well, as I’m taking on new challenges this year, I know I’ll need to be BRAVE. I done with just merely surviving. I want to succeed at life. I want to be bold and grow in my faith. I want to be an excellent mother. I want to be healthy!!!

A big scary goal I’ve bitten off for the beginning of this year is to read the Bible in 90 days (www.biblein90days.org) !!!! I read about it from a few bloggers: Jolanthe (www.noordinarymomentsblog.com) Kelleigh (http://kelleighratzlaff.com) last fall and I wanted to do it so bad, but I knew I was due with Cole in the middle of it and I was afraid I’d fail. I’ve been praying about it and I’ve committed to it and we start January 3rd!!!! I’ll be reading with a group of readers from Mom’s Toolbox (www.momstoolbox.com/blog) and hopefully blogging some about this journey here. However, my main focus is to do the reading!! I encourage you to check it out if you’re interested!!! I got the 90 day Bible for Christmas and I also downloaded the kindle version on my iPod touch. I’m praying so hard that I can complete this!!! However, I know my spiritual life needs a boost. To be honest it’s been really hard to get to church over the last year. With the pregnancy fatigue and the boys seeming to always having colds (even right now they’re snotty) it’s really hard to get there. And I know my faith life has taken a back seat. I’m ready to put Jesus back in the driver seat. I know all areas of my life are affected by my faith and as that strengthens I hope all the other areas are strengthened as well.

Which leads me to my next challenge….I alluded to it a few weeks ago. I woke up on the day Cole turned 2 months old and decided it was time to lose weight. I had been noticing on another scrapbooker’s blog her desire to get healthy over 2010. It was a simple concept, move more, eat less. She had started on Weight watchers and then tried to do it on her own before returning to ww at the end of the year. That morning I had read her blog and she had been talking about coming back to ww and starting the new program (points+). I went that morning and I’m loving it!!! I love the new points+ program and have lost weight on it!! I continue to be inspired by Cathy and am using some of her ideas to track my own journey. She summarized her 2010 here (http://cathyzielske.typepad.com/my_weblog/2010/12/a-year-of-moving-more-and-eating-less-in-scrapbook-pages.html) and I hope I can have her kind of success in 2011. It’s hard to be healthy. Its expensive, it takes planning and takes time. I’ll admit every Tuesday am I’m afraid when I step on that scale, fearing that I’ve slipped up or not tracked right. But I have to be brave and trust myself and know that I can succeed.

Another song that has been on my mind is Britney Spear’s “Stronger” (I prefer Glee’s version) but its another source of encouragement for me. It goes along with the whole theme of Move More Eat Less (http://cathyzielske.typepad.com/my_weblog/2010/12/move-more-eat-less-2011an-invitation-to-you.html) and is part of my minds “soundtrack” if you will. While my “moving more” hasn’t exactly kicked into gear it will. I know I’m strong enough and I deserve it!!!

We’re starting this week with the boys (www.the-e-kids.blogspot.com) doing some regular activities and creating a routine. Maybe it’s just the winter blahs but we’re all going stir crazy. The boys seem to be running laps around us. I think Max has been testing his limits with us and I honestly thinks (and Jason is actually the one who came up with it…) that he needs some one on one attention. I could use some routine and consistency in our days. I’ve been inspired by Carisa (www.1plus1plus1equals1.blogspot.com), Jolanthe from above but at (http://homeschoolcreations.blogspot.com) and Erica (www.confessionsofahomeschooler.blogspot.com) with some ideas for “home preschool” of sorts. I just want some time to focus on my boys, love on them, do crafts with them, and teach them. I’ll be using a combo of ideas from these amazing gals and others to focus on letters, numbers, colors and bible verses. I’ll be documenting that on their blog (and hopefully post more pictures of them there too!!!).

Overall, 2010 was a hard year. I got in a rut. I mentioned the paralyzing fear…I also got lazy. I got comfortable in my own bed (literally) and have blamed my laziness on anything I can…and while those things are legitimate (3 kids in 3 years, full time night shift, etc) it’s time to get my act together. Max is 3…3!!!! I feel like I’ve been napping these last 3 years and I want to remember the little things about this time instead of sleeping through it!! I read a quote on a mothering message board that said this, “the days are long but the years are short.” It’s so true. I find myself sometimes wishing the days would go by faster and I don’t want to do that anymore. Sure it’s tough having 3 young kids but other people have done it and survived!! I have a wonderful support system (hello…Jason is ah-mazing with the boys!!!). My family and inlaws are so helpful!!! I need to buck up and be BRAVE and face each day with the strength God has given me.

For a few months now I’ve been saying 2011 is the year of No Excuses….There is no reason I’m so tired, overweight and unmotivated. It’s time for things to change. It’s time for my house to be cleaned, our debt to be paid off, to get healthy, and to love life!!! Whew- that was a lot to type and thank you if you’re still reading. Mainly this is (like everything I type on this blog) for myself…for my own enjoyment….to record my own journey. It’s nice to look back and see patterns in my posting and remember what I’ve gone through. I often get very excited about my next new thing then end up letting my depression/anxiety/laziness take over and it’s done as quick as it starts. I hope to change that this year…and I hope journaling/blogging about it helps me get through it. If you’re joining me on the journey- please leave me a comment and we can share through this together.

I know it won’t be easy, but I’m ready. I’m BRAVE.

**I typed this from an email at work so the formatting is all wonky and the hyperlinks are old school & not hidden- if they don't work do it the old fashion way and cut & paste....sorry, I wanted to get this out of my mind and written down so I didn't want to wait until I had time to do it**

Getting it together...

Yes, these blogs have both been neglected over the past few months...and here's why. I hinted to it in Jake's birthday letter, but in case you didn't catch it...well, I'm pregnant!!!!

We're so excited but of course a little nervous!!! See, I'm due in October. Max will turn three in october (can you believe it?) and Jake will be 1 1/2. That means 18 months between each kid with 3 three and under!!!! Yikes!!! Momma's gotta get it together!!!

I'm hoping to post more often on both blogs, but it may be from my blackberry so no linkies or tags. But I really want this blog to be a showcase of things I'm passionate about. So hopefully you'll see more about my scrapbooking, gardening, canning, mothering, homemaking and all other things I love!!!

I've also found some great sites for encouragement...my absolute new fav is Kat at Inspired to Action. Her whole site is dedicated to purposeful mothering...now I can get on board with that!!!!

In fact, I've been inspired to action...starting to do my life journal again (more on that tomorrow hopefully), inspired by Kat's Maximize your mornings free e-book!!!

AND I created a motherhood mission statement for my life:

To know God intimately
thru study of His Word, Worship, Prayer and Fellowship
And live on His Precepts daily.

To love my husband and encourage him in his faith
To walk beside him and take care of and meet his needs.

To raise my children to know Jesus and serve Him
That they may grow in wisdom and stature, and that they may have kind and generous hearts.

To create a home where love grows, where people feel welcome and see Jesus in our lives.

And to live my life creatively, healthy, and simply. To not sweat the small stuff and to remember to FOCUS on what is most important. To act with integrity and give God glory in all I do.

~~~
So yeah, all in all, I'm getting it together. Excited about Baby #3 and scared to death at the same time!!! We're going to enjoy our time this summer as a family of 4 and spend lots of time outside (more on that too!!!).

Anyway- I'm here, I'm back, and I'll hopefully start to get some energy back and snap this nausea!!!!

Max's favorite breakfast....

We're settling in as a family of four- figuring out things as we go!! Jason has been taking the late shift and I've been doing the early shift and practicing getting 2 boys up, fed, and dressed for the day by myself.

Since Max isn't enjoying being fed anymore I needed to find some easy breakfasts he could feed himself. I knew he liked pancakes- but this mama isn't together enough to make pancakes every morning!!! I found a recipe that I've tried and LOVE!!! We made another double batch yesterday for "brunch" and have a gallon freezer bag full to pop out and put in the microwave for 30 seconds!! Perfect!! I also microwave a couple fully cooked sausage patties and Max is happy as a clam!!!

Basic Pancake Recipe (I don't know where the recipe originally came from, I googled it- but I've also tweaked it!!!)

3 eggs
1 cup milk
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 1/2 cups flour (I use 1 cup whole wheat and 1/2 cup white)
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon sugar
2 jars sweet potato baby food (I added just to amp up the nutrition a bit)

When using a half cup measuring cup to pour batter on griddle we got about 12 nice sized pancakes. Max usually eats 1 whole pancake for breakfast (sometimes 1.5!!).

I have found that if I cut half the pancake and put in on his tray first he'll eat that up, then I add the sausage and the rest of the pancake. My boy likes his meat and he'd pick out the sausage only if I'd let him!!!

I'm hoping to get more updates up this week with pictures of our Easter sunday trip to Jason's family farm!!

We also tried a new church on Easter. We really enjoyed it- Max didn't. It's gonna take a bit for him to get used to it- since I'd been on bedrest and so sick during the pregnancy we hadn't been to church in a while. We really REALLY love our home church- but my work schedule had changed times and driving a good 30-40 minutes to church just isn't feasable when I have to get back home and in bed and to work my 7pm. This new church is minutes from our home (just down the street). I have very high expectations because our home church is soooo amazing and has such a great children's ministry and pastor!! This new church measured up well!!! It was built by the same construction company and felt much like our original church did when we started attending it (before the addition). They have a very young staff and friendly congregation. We miss our original church very much- but realize that when we don't make it there because of distance and tiredness on my part (from work all night before) we're really not benefiting from it. So after much prayer we decided to start looking for churches closer to home. I'm not entirely sure- but I'm very hopeful that we have a match!!!

Jake is such a good baby- I'm almost afraid to say that and jinx it!!! We're getting into a groove and he's starting to show us a little of his personality!!! He sleeps well and loves to snuggle with mommy and daddy!! It's amazing what the 3 extra weeks inside me was able to do for him!! His neck control amazes us and we're so excited to see how awake he is in the afternoon. We had to wake Max up for nearly every feeding because all he wanted to do was sleep (he just shouldn't have been in the outside world yet!!!).

Again, I'll try to get more pictures up this week!! (or later today!!)

Updates...no baby yet....

37 weeks, 4 days

Who could of imagined that I would've made it this far? I know I didn't. When Max was born everything happened so fast and early- I never imagined that this pregnancy could make it term. It's something that I struggled with the entire pregnancy!!

We are so excited about this baby getting here!! It's really rough now, just waiting for B to arrive. When I decided to take off work early- it was so we could maybe make it past the 35 week mark Max arrived at. To now be almost 38 weeks is bittersweet!!! And with Max- my water broke and the birth happened so quickly!! Here we are now- I've been having contractions and pre-term labor for almost 6 weeks. Add that to the stress of being off work, an inconsistent work schedule for Jason, Max staying at Granny's a bunch (because I couldn't lift him)...we've been on an emotional strain. I'm on FMLA now (I've run out of my paid time) so any time B wants to arrive is perfect!!!

Jason and I are so eager to start this next chapter of our life.- as a family of 4!! Eek!!! I know that what's ahead will be exhausting and quite possibly difficult. But we have been praying for this so much. We are trusting God with our family, our finances, our time, and our future. He has guided and protected us thus far- so we're continue to trust Him.

That doesn't mean that this trust doesn't come without anxiety. I'm prone to both anxiety and depression. This time off has been so very difficult and I've worried about everything!! I've been clinging to my Bible verses and making them my mantra!!! My simplest right now is Mark 5:36 "don't be afraid, just believe."

We would appreciate your continued prayers. Max seems to know something is up and has been out of sorts. I'm trying to figure out what labor is and Jason is anxious wanting to take care of me but get extra hours at work in order to make up for me not working. And of course we're praying for B. A healthy full term baby is our hearts desire!!!

We'll keep everyone updated as we can!!!

Big blog updates today....

Another week has gone by and oh what a week it has been!!!

I've been very exhausted this week and had my appointment wednesday afternoon with my OB. J's parents were able to come up and watch Max so he could come with me. We had a great talk with her. We now know what we're dealing with now!! I'll be 34 weeks on saturday and my OB really hopes/wants me to get to 36 weeks. She honestly says I may not make it much past 36 and some change....which does put us 1 week past where Bubby was born.

She talked to me about the option of stopping work now. This is a major concern for Jas and me. I don't have much vacation time and any extra time I take off will be FMLA (no pay). However, I'm so afraid of having this baby even earlier than what Bubby was born. We've decided that I need to take the time off and go ahead and start Family Medical Leave/Disability. I'm trying to stay seated as much as possible, nap often, keep my feet up, and take it easy. The contractions are continuing and I can tell when I do too much. I often hit a wall in the evening. It has just stunk!!! I'm so relieved that we made the decision. It's tough to know how strapped for finances we'll be, but it's worth it to keep B inside as long as possible!!

We still have tons to do so I'm trying to accomplish a little bit everyday. My mom and Jason's parents are helping a ton!!! I shouldn't be lifting Max which makes it really really tough for me!!!

Jason is at work today and Max is down at Great Grandma's. Mom gets off at 12 so we're gonna run a few quick errands and come home. Mom is gonna stick around and they'll bring Max back this afternoon. Mom said we'd made meatloaf for dinner and she'll stay till Jason gets home.

It's really stressful but I know it's best for B and me!! I feel so bad for missing work-I know they weren't ready for me to be off.

I've been looking into verses to hold onto during this time. I found this one last weekend at work:

1 Corinthians 10:13 (the Message)
No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.

and this one:
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (NLT)
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

Jason and I have been praying so much about this are comfortable with our decision. We know things will be tough, but it's best for our family. It's crazy knowing that we will have a baby very very very soon!!! We're hoping Max gets over his cough soon and back to happy little self. I think he senses the stress we've been under and can tell mommy can't get down on the floor or carry him. He's gravitated towards daddy (and jason is so good with him!!!). Jason is also so good about taking care of me-forcing me to take it easy and sit whenever possible!!!

We'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers during this time. Even at 36 weeks, B will still be a preemie!!!!

Scripture Memorization

So I've been participating in Beth Moore's Siesta Scripture Memorization. Sunday night at work I picked out my next scripture and I'm so thankful that I did. I had bookmarked it on my blackberry and pulled it up and read it over and over yesterday while at the hospital. It totally sustained me!!! God is so good!!!

Isaiah 43:2 (NIV)

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.


I rested in this verse all day. I felt like I was drowning and on fire all at the same time. But the Lord lifted me out of all of my fears and calmed my anxious heart!!!

Thank you Beth Moore for challenging me to do this!!!

First L&D Visit- 32 weeks

So I spent the day in Labor and Delivery yesterday...wow. It was exhausting and draining!!

I had been having cramping for a few weeks (I had mentioned it). Well overnight Sunday night at work it was getting much worse. I went home Monday morning, took a shower, drank a bunch of water and laid down. After an hour I was still experiencing the cramping- more intense. I called my OB and I got sent to L&D. Jason-bless his heart and his coworkers- was able to come with me. I got immediately hooked up to monitors and I was having some contractions. They weren't constant but I was having them. Each cramping episode I had wasn't necessarily a contraction but I was having them.

They did a urinalysis to make sure I didn't have a UTI (which could cause some of the issues I was having)- but I didn't. I did have ketones in my urine though which meant I was dehydrated. **I have no idea how I'm dehydrated!!! I drink so much water every day- but I have to up it now!!!**

The resident checked me and I'm just a cm dilated. (which is good). The baby is far from my cervix opening and they did a test which predicts my chances of earlier labor (Ffn). It was negative so hopefully that will indicate that baby will stay in for a while longer!!

I got a liter and a half of fluid to hydrate me. The RN blew out 2 veins before another nurse actually got the IV started!!! I also got a dose of terbutaline (which is to relax the uterus to stop contractions...but it makes you jittery and jumpy!!!).

My OB came in to see me. She was pleased the FFN was negative. She told me to take it easy over the next few days and keep an eye on things. My next appt is next wednesday so I'm hoping to do that until then.

On the basement front- there was no electrical inspection because it was a holiday. So hopefully the electrical inspection will be today and they will finish today. The final inspection won't be until tomorrow. Which bugs me a little- we had plans for friends to come over tonight and start to put up the TV & shelves. We've postponed that until tomorrow because we can't do anything to the space until after the final inspection. I just hope it all gets done. WE're ready to start working on the space and can't. Jason has 3 days off this week and we had planned to start filling the space this morning!!! Oh well. It'll all get done soon.

And maybe this is how it's supposed to be. I need to take it easy and we have an extra day (although the pounding and cutting in the basement doesn't make for the most relaxing day). Oh well!!!

It's all good!! Baby is good, Max is good, Jas and I are good and the basement is almost done!!! Yay!!!

Scripture Memorization

I'm participating in scripture memorization through Beth Moore's blog. Each 1st and 15th we're picking out a new scripture and working on memorizing it!!

Last month I picked this one:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9 (NIV)
Such a beautiful timely verse that I was able to speak through many dark nights and moments.

My current verse is:
"Blessed is she who has believed that what the LORD has said to her will be accomplished"
Luke 1:45
I want this verse to be my mantra as I know that the Lord will carry us through this scary time right now. I have no reason to be afraid.

If you're interested in joining the scripture memorization team check out the LPM blog. I can already see my faith strengthening through the memorizing of these scriptures. I love having a scripture on my lips in times of trial or tribulation!!!!

Catching up....

Wow...Only 5 days into 2009-what a roller coaster!!!
**if you came here to see what the tagging is all about-check at the end of the post!!!**

So first off, we had a fabulous New Years Day with old friends (and new friends too!!!). Deb and Erin, Tim, and Stella came along with Kara, her mom Sue, and Baby Charlie!!! This was my first time meeting Stella and Charlie. Wow...adorable little babies!!! It was amazing to catch up with friends and see these BFFs as moms for the very first time!!! I miss them dearly. It was great to talk about baby wearing and diaper bags and getting organized and working. Wow. I needed that so much!!!

However, then friday night I went to work and felt just horrible all night. I thought it was just still the horrible pregnancy side effects I've had....however, when I woke up on friday for work-just before I left-I started getting sick. I tried to sleep a little and go in late to work but it just didn't work out. I had the flu. The same flu bug that everyone else has gotten!! ugh. I didn't work saturday or sunday but today- Praise the Lord- I feel better than ever!!! I actually feel better than I have in months. You see, Sunday, Jason woke up with it too so we called our inlaws and they came to get Max and keep him overnight as we nursed ourselves back to health. Today we both feel much better and have gotten some things accomplished (like taking that tree down without Max's "help"). Jason called off work today though too...and good thing...we work for a while and then we both collapse. We really wanted to get the house disinfected from this bug so we deal with it no more!!!!

Max is on his way back now and we just can't wait to see him. I've missed him so much!!!

And-my friend Meghan had her baby girl!!! Of course we were gonna go visit her on saturday before I went to work, but that all changed when I got sick. So I'm giving myself 24 hours to assure that I'm ok before I go get my hands on her...but I can't wait!!!

**My friend Katie tagged me. I call her my friend...I don't know her. I read her blogs. We met on a chat board. She's a mom. She's awesome and has a great blog about cooking and has inspired many of us on the mom board to work on our grocery budgets. She inspires me!!! So yes, it sounds weird, but my friend Katie tagged me!!! I've never been tagged so I feel uber cool. Haha...doesn't take much to excite this mama!!!

Here it goes....

Here are the rules...

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog (copy and paste 1-6)
3. Write 6 random things about yourself.
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

http://busymomscookbook.blogspot.com/

1. I hate New Years Resolutions but still make them every year. So far I'm doing ok on my devotional this year and the house is clean!!!
2. I'm terrified to have 2 under 2.
3. I'm not sure how many kids we'll have now (this pregnancy has been rough).
4. I love to cook and get excited to include Max (and other kids) in the process.
5. I desire to be uber organized but I feel like I constantly fail. But I'm working on it.
6. I can't believe how much being a mom has changed me. My faith is stronger even though it's tested more. I am more aware of my surroundings (read: I'm more green). It's crazy!

Ok, You've been tagged:

1. Lorien
2. Nicole (or John...not sure who updates it)
3. Erin
4. Ali
5. Erin
6. Jill

Now, again, some of these are real life friends, some I "know" from the internet, and others are blogs I just love to read. Sorry, hope I don't freak anyone out!!!

Christmas thoughts....

You can check out Max's blog for updates on the little man and see some excellent quality Christmas pictures!!!

And here is the E family solutions to toddlers and Christmas trees!!! I have a feeling our tree will look like this for the next 4-5 years!!! Haha!!!

We already had 1 Christmas and Grandma and Papa's and we figured out how to keep Max busy and entertained....throw our paper at him**!!! He loved it!!!

**disclaimer: We did keep an eye on him and made sure he didn't actually eat any paper. Don't want you to think I'm a horrible mother!!!

*****

This is such an exciting Christmas for us!!! Max really has no idea what is going on but is much more into it than last year :). It's crazy to have a mobile little guy-he just sat in the bouncer last year while we opened gifts!!!!

We are continuing our tradition of opening new PJs on Christmas Eve. Jas and I even got new ones!!! I tried my hand at holiday baking. I made some fudge....the recipe that is posted below. I'm not sure if it's right....we'll see!!! It's exciting to think of new traditions to incorporate as our family grows. Its also fun to see Max light up as he rips apart wrapping paper (whether its his gift or not:)).

Even neater yet is watching my nephew Jimmy (he'll be 3 in March). This is the first Christmas we're really seeing a reaction from him.....he absolutely lights up when he opens packages. Makes me eager to watch Max grow up even more!!!

And we spent time Monday with Jason's sister Jenny, Mike and Hodge. Hodge is almost a year exactly younger than Max. Max isn't too sure about the baby-but luckily was gentle and not too horribly grabby with him. Oh how Max has no idea how his life will change come spring!!! Haha!!!

I am starting to perk up. These last few days I've actually gotten some sleep (6 consecutive hours on sunday...wow!!!). My lack of sleep, combined with sciatic pain and general body pain has made mommy a real Christmas Grinch!!! This pregnancy has been rough-but everyone I've spoken to says it completely normal. That helps...some. Haha.

The most exciting part is that I'm consistently feeling kicks. Wow. We're having another baby. It's so amazing to be sitting in the chair cuddling with Max and feeling B in my belly kicking away!!!

I must say-each Christmas Jason and I have get better and better. It's amazing!! We are so blessed and thankful for the lives we live.

Celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior,
Merry Christmas!!!
Kristi:)