When it rains…

Today was hard.  Really hard.

I've been trying to keep positive over the last few weeks in light of the bad news my dad got.  I really have.  I mean, all in all, things are great. 
I'm losing weight, getting organized, reading my Bible daily, and exercising.  On the outside, things look good.  In an effort to be real with you though, I have to tell the truth.  Some days I do really well.

Photo by Donna @ Pixosphere 

But today it rained.  It rained hard. 
I heard it when I woke up, hitting the roof.  I drove through it on the way to pick up lunch. It was cloudy and overcast all day long.

And I finally cried.  Real tears, hard tears...ugly cry.  I've teared up in the last few weeks, but this was ugly cry.

And it felt good. 

"They" (whoever they is) say that God won't give you more than you can handle.  Well, I'm learning that God gives you more than you could ever handle on your own in order that you fully rely on Him to get through it.

The enemy is going to continue to throw stuff my way.  Jake may have his third ear infection in three months, Max might just fight me on every meal (the boy does not eat!!), and Cole's teeth may feel like they are never going to pop through.  Jason may get this same cold the boys have.  Depression and anxiety may rear their ugly faces again in me.

But I serve a God that is the same exact God He was two and a half weeks ago.  He is still the I am!  He is bigger than ear infections, stubborn toddlers, teething babies, cancer, colds, and depression. I have to continue to trust in Him, even on days like today when the clouds roll in.

Photo by TeriLynne @ Pixosphere

I read a quote on twitter when I first started being more active there.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."
 
It's amazing how the Lord has been preparing me to handle this.  I've seen a general theme in my life of slowing down and I'm more committed to Him now than I ever have been.  All of the new things I've been working on and joining in on...they are for the "right now."

During my treadmill time the last two mornings I've listened to Seeds Family Worship (I cannot recommend these cds enough and they do not pay me to say that).

This song has been my stronghold today...

 

Even as the tears flowed down my face mixed with raindrops, this song has been in my head...on repeat.

And tonight, it's my soundtrack as I dance in the rain.