Where is the Sun?

Last month I posted about dancing in the rain… I feel like it’s been pouring ever since.

I’ve mentioned it quite a bit on twitter but I wanted to update on here.  I’m having a rough patch.  It’s hard trying to balance my own gaggle of littles and a sick parent at the same time.  Jason has cut back his work hours so I can have my days during the week to be with dad.  It’s tough to sit there and just watch him sleep but I know he’s thankful I’m there.  And I’m just praying he feels the comfort of Jesus through my hands and feet serving him.  I’m so appreciative of Jason’s support to allow me to spend time with dad…but I’m struggling with balance.

I miss my boys.  I miss cooking for them.  I’m tired.  I want to work out.  My diet is non-existent right now (which is really hurting me because my dad made me promise to not let his illness deter my diet).  I want to do fun home pre-school activities with my boys.  I want to plant my garden.  I want to blog.

Psalm 42: 11 (the Message) Why are you down in the dumps dear soul?  Why are you crying the blues?  Fix my eyes on God-soon I’ll be praising again.  He puts a smile on my face.  He is my God

This morning instead of looking at the things that are out of focus and blurry, I want to look at things that are in focus….

I’ve been finding my strength in God’s word (writing out my SOAP notes from reading in Psalms).

I’ve been praying for my boys daily using the Warrior Prayers.

I’m gearing up for my mental battles using Hide His Word.

I’m still counting my blessings and processing the book one thousand gifts.

I have wonderful friends physically present in my life and in cyberspace.  It’s as if God knew I would need support and encouragement right now (grin).

 

After a night when my dreams torment me and a rough morning of feeling like I can’t get it together I remembered the things that are in focus.  I feel peace calming my heart, washing over me like a waterfall.  The sun will soon shine and all that is in my heart to accomplish will either be accomplished or just not matter.  I’m focusing right now on what is most important.  At times I may feel like it’s not enough but I have to step back and bring my blurry view back to focus.

 

Have you ever had things out of focus?  Felt dizzy and unbalanced?  I’d love to know how you juggle the desire to do it all…I’d love to know how you balance kids and work and family and exercise.  Really, help me out…tell me?  Let’s talk about it!!!  I want to get through this stronger on the other side!!! 

Some days are just hard….

I’m trying really hard to get it together, honestly I am.  I feel like I have a lot on my plate.  I just want to be completely honest with everyone out there, some days are just hard!! 

 

I’m not saying this to have people feel sorry for me or tell me I can get through it, I just want to get it out!!  I don’t want to sound whiney, but again, some days are just hard.

I feel like my to do list is never ending…I have really really good intentions.

I just want to take care of my dad and fix everything.

My middle boy needs tubes in his ears, and that is scheduled for the same day as dad’s next chemo round.

Sometimes, no matter how much you read, pray, and trust in God to take care of things, there is still anxiety and depression.  I do not believe that this anxiety and depression I am feeling is because a lack of faith or a particular sin in my life.  I know I am a sinner but I also know I am saved by the grace of Jesus Christ.

So what do you do when that other stuff rears its ugly head?

Here’s my plan:

Spend time in the Word daily.

Memorize Scripture in order to have verses on my heart and in my mind instead of negative self talk.

Pray fervently each day for others needs (to help me take the focus off of myself).

Pray fervently for myself every day!!

Talk to my husband and be honest about what is going on with me.

Talk to my doctor at my appointment on Monday about all this is going on in my life and see if I have some more options medication wise.

Rest, rest, rest.

Ask for prayers from others.

Continue to read encouraging words from others (namely one thousand gifts).

Make a list of all that needs done, line it up with my priorities and see what matters most!

Be BRAVE.

Know what my limits are and ask for help when I need it.

Remember these words:

Psalm 27:14 (New Living Translation)

¹⁴ Wait patiently for the Lord.
      Be brave and courageous.
      Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

 

He will not give up on me and He is not finished with me!!

 

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional.  I’m a mom that has suffered from depression, postpartum depression and anxiety.  I’m a believer in Jesus Christ.  I believe this is not how God intended me to feel and I believe that we, as moms, deserve to get help when we need it!!  Depression can be serious and nasty, please seek professional help if you are experiencing symptoms or are afraid.

Have you ever experienced depression?  What have you done to battle it?  Can I pray for you somehow?  If you’d rather not comment, feel free to use the button on the side to email me.  I’d love to talk to you!!

 

Also, I now have my blog set up for email subscribing, have a daily dose (or however often I post) delivered for free right into your mailbox!!  Fill in your address on the box to the right.

I believe that even though I don’t have it all together now, nor may I ever have it all together, God is using this time to use me, maybe it’s to help you.  I’m sure I still have stuff to learn too!!  Let’s take this journey together!!

Much Love,

Top Ten Tuesday...bloggy questions from a newbie

Today I decided to participate in Oh Amanda's Top Ten Tuesday!!



I've been thinking about blogging more (as you can tell from my posts). I love what I'm learning from the social media I've participated in and it's gotten my appetite craving more and more!! So I decided to use this chance to word some of my questions and see if I get any answers!!!

1. I keep reading about blogger vs. word press....for a small mommy blogger like myself- do I need to change to wp?

2. How important is it to keep things consistent- i.e. email, url, twitter handle?

3. Do I need to buy a domain?

4. If I do, how do I do it?

5. I want to go to Relevant!!! Do I need a sponsor?

6. If I do, how do I put together a media kit?

7. Any tips on what kind of laptop I should get? (I'm in the market for a new one)

8. What are your most used apps on your iPhone? (if you use it for enhanced productivity...just got my new one...yay verizon!!).

9. What do you use for compiling blog ideas? regular old paper and pen, an app, MSWord?

10. Any other nuggets of advice for this blogging newbie?


I have tweeted & googled some of the questions and will continue to do so- but I thought some tried and true responses from some veterans would help me out!!! I've made some new friends that are already helping me out and I'm gonna work on the look of my blog over the next few weeks, I'm so excited. It's fun to have a place to call my own:).

Make sure you check out Oh Amanda & the other's lists @