3 months…and the list keeps growing…

I haven’t gotten completely out of the habit of counting gifts, I’ve just ran out of time blogging them…so here we are catching up:

91. wonderful RNs and Aids taking care of dad in the hospital

92.  catching Big Boy’s ear infection early

93.  Middle Boy being so cute right before getting his tubes

94.  Sweet RNs that loved on Middle after his surgery

95.  in-laws watching the boys so Jas & I could have a much needed date night

96.  watching Big’s imagination and hearing him sing his pirate songs

97.  the peace that washed over me on Good Friday morning when I reflected on my week & realized what He did for me

98.  connecting with dad’s RN at the ECF and realizing they are Christians

99.  Dad turning his cell phone on for our 7:30am call on the days I couldn’t visit him so we could talk.

100.  Dad liking the nursing home he’s in.

101.  Just when I think I can’t take anymore- Easter weekend reminds me I don’t have to

102.  The act of finding the eucharisteo

103.  A steady job with a good paycheck

104.  Comfortable shoes for work

105.  Middle feeling significantly better after his tubes

106.  a day with my boys

107.  hubs helping my dad with oncologist appointments

108.  (in)courage community video

109.  all 3 boys content at the same time, independent of one another

110.  (109) that let me make coffee

111.   dad being able to make his own decisions

112.  a family gathering

113.  a royal fairy tale

********

 

Then life got really busy (these are obviously from a few weeks ago).

Tomorrow starts the memorial services for my dad'.  Today, I needed an attitude change and to think back on the gifts I failed to count this last week.

 

114.  hospice RNs and doctors that lived life with us these past few days

115. social workers and nurse managers that were on our team

116.  my dad’s proud face when he completed his physical therapy and the gals doted on him

117.  5/12/11 the last full day I spent with dad…his friend came up and we had lots of fun joking around

118.  that day also when I realized dad’s fight was almost over and he was okay with it

119.  saying good bye to my dad and hearing him tell me how much he loved me

120.  being by his side as he took his last breath

121.  knowing he is walking with Jesus now…the angels are rejoicing

122.  3 months – the amount of time from diagnosis to dad’s passing

123.  3 months – the amount of time I had to get closer to my dad and sisters

124.  my best friend coming over to help me prepare the photo collages for the funeral home

125.  the mixed bag of emotions that includes grief, relief, and of course, eucharisteo

 

I know this is wednesday, so I’ll link this monday to Ann Voskamp’s blog.

 

I would appreciate your prayers Thursday and Friday as we have the visitation and memorial for my dad.  Thank you for your support and prayers up to this point.

 

Much Love,

Multitudes on Mondays (and Tuesdays)

 

Only a day behind…but here it goes….

 

78.  first mowing of spring

79.  cooking out

80.  dirty faces after outdoor play

81.  green beans

82. bath time for boys

83.  little boys curls after bath time

84.  my 3 1/2 year old recognizing the Chevrolet symbol on papa’s new car

85.  when my 2 year old sleeps in

86.  my boys packed up to go to papa’s house

87.  starting a new journal

88.  time to journal, think, and process all that’s going on

89.  jason being able to spend the day with dad at the hospital

90.  my inlaws watching the boys so I can sleep for work and jason could spend day with dad.

 

So much going on, but God is showing me His face in all the details!!!  I’m loving having a eucharisteo heart.  For more gifts, check out Ann Voskamp’s blog.

Much Love,

Multitudes on Mondays 4/11/11

Friends, if you know me or ready any of my blog posts in the last few weeks, you know I’ve been in a dark place.  But many things are pulling me through this, especially Ann Voskamp’s words in her book “one thousand gifts.”

“When it gets dark, it’s only because God has tucked me in a cleft of the rock and covered me, protected, with His hand.” (chapter 8, one thousand gifts- beautiful thoughts based on Exodus 33:22-23)

“…but to give thanks is an action and rejoice is a verb and these are not mere pulsing emotions.  While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving.” (chapter 9, one thousand gifts)

So many more, so much going through my mind, so much to process, and so much eucharisteo…

64. one pound lost

65. smoothies

66. rotisserie chicken (I do believe God created this in order to save dinner time for mothers)

67. good time with my dad

68. my amazing husband

69. SOAP notes

 

70. praying for my boys

71. praying for my dad

72. 6 months old

73. glimpses of spring

74. quiet times with God

75. good talks with my mom and my sisters

76. middle’s appointment to get his ear infections taken care of

77. medicine finally kicking in and my middle boy starting to act like himself.

While reading one thousand gifts I can feel my heart being tugged upon.  These words of Ann’s I feel like I could’ve spoken myself (chapter 8):

“Nothing has materially changed since yesterday’s fears, last week’s anxiety.  But I have.  I’m changing.  I am changing, deep changing, and I am giving thanks, doing eucharisteo and echaristeo is eureka and I know why there’s no fear and why I had never seen it before?....”

“Thanks is what builds trust.”  

“Every time fear freezes and worry writhes, every time I surrender to stress, aren’t I advertising the unreliability of God?...but I’m grateful to the Bridge Builder for the crossing of a million strong bridges, thankful for a million faithful moments, my life speaks my beliefs and I trust Him again.”

“Trust is my bridge from yesterday to tomorrow…”

“Stress can be an addiction and worry can be our lunge for control and we forget the answer to this moment is always yes because of Christ.”

“Eucharisteo always precedes the miracle.”

 

For more gifts, visit Multitude Mondays.

Much Love,

Multitudes 52-63

 

I haven’t posted a multitude Monday post since 3/15/11.  I pulled out my notebook overnight and I saw my scribbles:

52. Starting fresh after a week off

53. the craziness that is right now

54. online friends that walk with me

55. girl scout cookies

56. grandparents that help watch babies

57. ruby red grapefruit

58. coffee

I haven’t added to my list for a few weeks.  Ann is right when she says eucharisteo is not the norm.  I’m trying so hard to get through my days lately, I’ve not looked through God’s lens to see what He wants me to see.  So now I will try to reflect…

Two Saturday’s ago, dad had his first chemo.  I was sick myself and on antibiotic so I couldn’t go (plus I had to work).  It was really hard for me to be away.  Come to find out later, he really wasn’t doing well.  His labs were way out of wack and honestly they shocked both Jason (he’s an RN) and myself (a pharmacist).  This week was spent with 2 trips to his place trying to help him get settled, phone calls to insurance & home health, and trips to wal*mart for supplies. 

Looking back on the last few weeks, here’s what I’m thankful for

59. Chemo (as painful as it is to know that the meds are hurting his body, it’s also trying to stop the disease and I’m thankful for modern medicine)

60. Family (my sisters and our families all stayed at a hotel in his town Saturday night so we could spend time together – at his request).  It was a great time and my boys loved it!!

61. On Sunday morning my sisters went to church with my dad.  It was his first time out since chemo other than to get his shot on Wednesday.  It was hard to see him so exhausted and it took all his energy, but he was so proud to have us at church with him and for that I’m thankful.

62. The Hide His Word Challenge I’ve been doing…memorizing God’s promises has really sustained me in these last few weeks.  I love that His word is what comes to mind when I get down instead of negative self talk!!

63. Coworkers that cover my shift so I can spend time with my family (I was so afraid I would have to work instead of go).

So here I am…trying to get back into the eucharisteo mindset.  Now that B90 days is done (yay!!!) I’m gonna allow myself to read a little more during my quiet time.  I’m eager to finish 1000 gifts and watch the videos along with it.  I really do want to slow down and sip each moment we have in life right now!!!

I’m linking this up with Multitude Mondays on a holy experience.

Much Love,

Multitudes 33-51, and other thoughts

I know it’s supposed to be Multitudes on Monday…but I’m still thankful…I know it’s Tuesday…we’re just gonna go with it.

Things are getting much harder…I have really good days.  Some days I can’t kick the sadness and overwhelming feeling I feel.  Luckily keeping this list out on the counter is reminding me to look for God’s gifts.

No pics today.  I did take pics of some on my phone and posted on Instagram….if we’re not instagram friends…well we should be.  Leave me a comment and I’ll add ya!!

On to my growing list of one thousand gifts

33.  Iced Tea with Lemon

34. losing 1.6 lbs

35. new blog look (if you read in a reader, please click through and take a look!)

36.  exercise

37.  reminders to slow down

38.  art time for boys

39. big helping little (handing him his paci)

40.  middle talking more (been a huge burden on my heart)

41.  talking to my dad daily

42.  rain

43.  new babies (a twitter friend)

44.  target with big (a trip just the 2 of us!!)

45.  hot tea

46.  clean closet

47.  late night tears, and my husband that dries them for me

48.  big and middle sharing laughs in the early morning (and watching them on the video monitor)

49.  mail from sweet friends just when I needed it

50. a gorgeous sunset

51.  dinner in the crockpot

 

So many blessings!!  I know I have some tough days ahead…dad has 2 appts this week.  I’d appreciate your prayers.

 

Have you started your list of one thousand gifts?  I’d love to see yours!!!

Top 10 Tuesday 3/8/2011

Since getting active on twitter and purposefully blogging with this amazing community of women I’m finding so many challenges, groups, and activities and I honestly can’t keep them all straight…so in honor of Top 10 Tuesday I thought I’d make a master list of stuff I’m loving online right now and that I think you should check out!!

1.  Hellomornings

For some reason I can’t get the hellomornings button to show up, but Kat at Inspired to Action has started an accountability group based off of her Maximize your Mornings E-book (free- just click the button on my sidebar).  I’m amazed at the friendships I’ve made through the #hellomornings threads on twitter and these amazing women!!!

2.  Bible in 90 days

Wow wow wow!!!  This challenge has changed me and made me realize how much I need to be in God’s word.  It’s not easy, believe me, but it’s so worth it!!  I’m craving my quiet reading time every day and I’m loving what I’m learning!!!  I can’t believe I have less than a month left and we’re almost in the new testament!!!

3.   3 in 30

I’m getting stuff done…I’m not as overwhelmed…I feel like I have some focus during my down time.  My only complaint is that picking my 3 goals is super hard and there are lots of things I need to get done…still tweaking that process!!!

4.  Relevant11

I’ve gushed enough…do I need to say anything more?

5.  one thousand gifts

Another button I can’t get to work for some reason….but this book is life changing!!  Ann Voskamp is such an amazing gifted writer and I recommend this book to everyone I know!!!

 

6.  Hiding His Word

 

Katie- my accountability captain for #hellomornings has a group of gals working on memorizing scripture and I’ve been watching these girls!!  I’ve decided to start memorizing scripture after I’m done with B90days.  Lord knows with all that is going on in my life right now, I need need need HIS WORD in my heart!!!

7.  Warrior Prayers

Brooke has written an amazing book called Warrior Prayers and is having a challenge in April to pray together for our sons. More info here.  I’m exciting about praying for my boys with these women!!!

8.  Photography

Brooke also has a journal of a photography newbie and Darcy has a series titled 31 days to better photos that I’m going to be playing with and working through.  No time limits there…I want to take my time and learn how to take good pictures with my new camera!!!

9. Blogging

I’ve found several sources and sites to hopefully help with my intentional blogging.  On is Ann Voskamp’s Upside Down blogger’s prayer.  I’m also working through another series about finding the purpose of my blog and working to be more knowledgeable about blogging (html, buttons, codes…since I apparently have trouble with buttons…half had to be deleted because they didn’t show up!!).  I have many friends that are mentoring me, answering my questions and helping me through it all!!!

10.  Weight loss and overall health

Of course, I’m still doing weight watchers and I downloaded the app for my iPhone.  It’s helping me keep track of my points.  I also have the couch 2 5k app and I did day 1 week 1 today on the treadmill!!!  I plan to keep tracking about my weigh ins on my Wednesday posts and hope to track my couch 2 5k somewhere too!!!

Bonus…#11.  Project Simplify:

 

I’m overwhelmed with all the stuff we have and I’m encouraged by Tsh’s book Organized Simplicity.  (although I won’t let myself read it until I’m done with B90days).  I’m super excited about this project and I’m hoping to participate….

…because seriously…how cute is that button!!!!

 

Wow, lots of stuff…no wonder I feel so busy!!!  It feels good to have it all down!!!  thanks for reading my top 10 list…for more lists check out Oh Amanda and let me know if I’m missing any jewels out there on the old www.

Much Love,

Multitudes on Mondays #24-32

I continue on with my one thousand gifts…

#24.  a decent weekend at work

#25.  getting a Relevant11 ticket

#26.  renewal at weigh in, even with a gain

#27.  Out as a family of 5 for dinner

#28.  my hellomornings routine

#29.  finding goodies in Lamentations

#30.  visions of spring

#31 new tools of my phone (yes, I’m thankful for the weight watcher app for iPhone!)

#32.  new sweat pants

 

Are you looking for one thousand gifts?  What are you finding?

Finding the hard eucharisteo

I honestly thought when I started reading one thousand gifts my hard eucharisteo was going to be living in the essence of three loud rambunctious boys. I thought that was the lesson God was going to teach me. Slow down. Nothing is an emergency. After all, I felt as though I had arrived when I read in Chapter 4:

I just want to time to do my one life well.

Yes, that was my hard eucharisteo, learning to live in the moment, with these boys, being all there, tasting life as if it were sweet each day. Enjoying the right now.

And while I’m learning that and it is making a huge change in my life, I seeing there is even more to my story.

Photo by Abigail at Pixosphere

As I read the chapters in the book about people stricken with cancer, I nodded my head along. Yes, I understand. No it hasn’t directly affected my life negatively. I’ve considered myself pretty lucky. My sister has had a few melanoma successfully removed. My best friend from college lost her mom to battle with breast cancer right after we both got married. My husbands grandma is a breast cancer survivor.

But to see the effects of the disease, in my own life, in my own tight circle…I had not.

You see, I work in a hospital. I’m a pharmacist. I deal with death and dying every day. I feel like I’m sometimes pretty numb to disease, unfortunately it comes with the territory.

Photo by Cassandra at Pixosphere

So when I found out that my dad had spots show up on his liver and lungs on what I thought was going to be a routine CT scan, I got the air knocked out of me.

My beautiful view of the sky above, my living slow and soaking in all that was good suddenly became cold and gray.

Photo by Ashley at Pixosphere

My room was spinning. Suddenly I was on the other side of the hospital bed. I was a family member of a patient instead of the worker. I went to work that night afraid. I literally spent most of the night trying to catch my breath. And I felt silly crying or being worried. We have no diagnosis, no confirmation. We have time. Time to wait, stew, and think about every situation.

Luckily though, I’d been in a one thousand gifts frame of mind. I remembered what I had read in Chapter 5.

Eucharisteo is not our default mode.

All is grace only because all can be transfigured.

I awaken to the strange truth that all new life comes out of the dark places, and hasn’t it always been?

God is always good and I am always loved.

~~~

I work overnight and as I drove home that morning my clouds literally began to part.

Photo by Hope at Pixosphere

There are new mercies each morning. I serve the same God I did the day before. That God that was my sweet tea. The God that was showing me His face in the peanut butter covered face of my middle boy. (#13) He was showing me His face in the toys scattered about my living room. I was seeing Him just days earlier in things that were simple. He was whispering in my ear, “slow down, life is not an emergency” and, “I am here with you.”

Ann Voskamp said that there is a difference in expressing gratitude in horrific experiences and that God grieves the horrible with you. I had to chew on this like stale bread. Then remind myself that this isn’t a horrific experience yet. We have no idea what lies ahead.

And no matter what does, no matter the outcome, My God that I serve is the same today as He was yesterday. He is my I Am and I Will Be. Nothing has changed. And even if we get a poor prognosis, God is still on my team. He lavishes me with gifts every day!!

I’m thankful for the decision to have a one thousand gifts frame of mind right now. It’s not easy, but it has reminded me in these last few days that I am not alone.

And my dad, he’ll be ok. He’s a fighter. We’re taking it one day at a time. He meets with an oncologist this Friday and has an appointment with one of the best Cancer Centers in the country later this month. I would appreciate the continued prayers for him and my family. I pray specifically that God would use me and continue to help me keep a one thousand gifts frame of mind even if the darkest moments lie ahead.

And me, I think this whole experience will be showing me not to me so numb at work. Each person has a story, each person needs to see their own one thousand gifts. I pray God will let my work a gift to someone else.

May you see His gifts today,

Edited to add: linking up to thought provoking thursday

Multitude Mondays #13-#23

Finding eucharisteo in the right now…

I’m participating (on Monday!!) along with many others at A Holy Experience giving thanks and daring to live fully right where we are!

#13 watching middle eat peanut butter toast

#14 the noise level in this house (a whole ‘nother blog post all together")

#15 first foods for little

#16 evidence that little boys live here

#17 the pink stuff that makes ear infections better

#18 exercising

#19 rules of the game tag to a three year old boy

#20 the calm after the fever has broken

#21 energy spurts right before bedtime

#22 the boys being cooperative at bedtime

#23 big brother saying amen at bedtime prayers

To see what others are finding as eucharisteo, check out A Holy Experience.

What’s your eucharisteo today?

Multitude Monday/Top 10 Tuesday

 

I got a new computer and I typed up a pretty multitude Monday post to link up to Ann Voskamp and none of my pictures showed up.  I think I got a fix, so I decided to link this to Multitude Monday and Top 10 Tuesday (even though it’s 12…that’s ok, right?).

So here it goes…Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts has been life changing and I decided to start my list- right here right now!!  (well, the list is written in a simple spiral notebook, I like to have it with me everywhere, and I’ll post weekly (on monday’s hopefully) to keep track of them here.

 

1.  Learning new things (like my new computer, twitter, blogging, etc)

2.  New online friends (that help me with my new endeavors)

3.  Iced Coffee (having some right now)

4.  My husband being home during the day right now (we’re in a transition time and he’s cut back on hours so we’re all home on tues, wed, thurs)

5.  Lunch together as a family of 5 at the kitchen table.

6. Afternoon tea

7.  First morning cries for love & comfort by my baby boy

8.  Three little boys singing and chattering together

9.  Yellow hats with green frogs, inside, in February

10.  Sharing m&m’s with that little boy in the yellow and green hat.

11.  My quiet morning routine

12. Big brother making little brother smile.

For more eucharisteo check out Ann Voskamp and

more Top Ten lists check out Oh Amanda.