3 months…and the list keeps growing…

I haven’t gotten completely out of the habit of counting gifts, I’ve just ran out of time blogging them…so here we are catching up:

91. wonderful RNs and Aids taking care of dad in the hospital

92.  catching Big Boy’s ear infection early

93.  Middle Boy being so cute right before getting his tubes

94.  Sweet RNs that loved on Middle after his surgery

95.  in-laws watching the boys so Jas & I could have a much needed date night

96.  watching Big’s imagination and hearing him sing his pirate songs

97.  the peace that washed over me on Good Friday morning when I reflected on my week & realized what He did for me

98.  connecting with dad’s RN at the ECF and realizing they are Christians

99.  Dad turning his cell phone on for our 7:30am call on the days I couldn’t visit him so we could talk.

100.  Dad liking the nursing home he’s in.

101.  Just when I think I can’t take anymore- Easter weekend reminds me I don’t have to

102.  The act of finding the eucharisteo

103.  A steady job with a good paycheck

104.  Comfortable shoes for work

105.  Middle feeling significantly better after his tubes

106.  a day with my boys

107.  hubs helping my dad with oncologist appointments

108.  (in)courage community video

109.  all 3 boys content at the same time, independent of one another

110.  (109) that let me make coffee

111.   dad being able to make his own decisions

112.  a family gathering

113.  a royal fairy tale

********

 

Then life got really busy (these are obviously from a few weeks ago).

Tomorrow starts the memorial services for my dad'.  Today, I needed an attitude change and to think back on the gifts I failed to count this last week.

 

114.  hospice RNs and doctors that lived life with us these past few days

115. social workers and nurse managers that were on our team

116.  my dad’s proud face when he completed his physical therapy and the gals doted on him

117.  5/12/11 the last full day I spent with dad…his friend came up and we had lots of fun joking around

118.  that day also when I realized dad’s fight was almost over and he was okay with it

119.  saying good bye to my dad and hearing him tell me how much he loved me

120.  being by his side as he took his last breath

121.  knowing he is walking with Jesus now…the angels are rejoicing

122.  3 months – the amount of time from diagnosis to dad’s passing

123.  3 months – the amount of time I had to get closer to my dad and sisters

124.  my best friend coming over to help me prepare the photo collages for the funeral home

125.  the mixed bag of emotions that includes grief, relief, and of course, eucharisteo

 

I know this is wednesday, so I’ll link this monday to Ann Voskamp’s blog.

 

I would appreciate your prayers Thursday and Friday as we have the visitation and memorial for my dad.  Thank you for your support and prayers up to this point.

 

Much Love,

Top 10 Tuesday 3/8/2011

Since getting active on twitter and purposefully blogging with this amazing community of women I’m finding so many challenges, groups, and activities and I honestly can’t keep them all straight…so in honor of Top 10 Tuesday I thought I’d make a master list of stuff I’m loving online right now and that I think you should check out!!

1.  Hellomornings

For some reason I can’t get the hellomornings button to show up, but Kat at Inspired to Action has started an accountability group based off of her Maximize your Mornings E-book (free- just click the button on my sidebar).  I’m amazed at the friendships I’ve made through the #hellomornings threads on twitter and these amazing women!!!

2.  Bible in 90 days

Wow wow wow!!!  This challenge has changed me and made me realize how much I need to be in God’s word.  It’s not easy, believe me, but it’s so worth it!!  I’m craving my quiet reading time every day and I’m loving what I’m learning!!!  I can’t believe I have less than a month left and we’re almost in the new testament!!!

3.   3 in 30

I’m getting stuff done…I’m not as overwhelmed…I feel like I have some focus during my down time.  My only complaint is that picking my 3 goals is super hard and there are lots of things I need to get done…still tweaking that process!!!

4.  Relevant11

I’ve gushed enough…do I need to say anything more?

5.  one thousand gifts

Another button I can’t get to work for some reason….but this book is life changing!!  Ann Voskamp is such an amazing gifted writer and I recommend this book to everyone I know!!!

 

6.  Hiding His Word

 

Katie- my accountability captain for #hellomornings has a group of gals working on memorizing scripture and I’ve been watching these girls!!  I’ve decided to start memorizing scripture after I’m done with B90days.  Lord knows with all that is going on in my life right now, I need need need HIS WORD in my heart!!!

7.  Warrior Prayers

Brooke has written an amazing book called Warrior Prayers and is having a challenge in April to pray together for our sons. More info here.  I’m exciting about praying for my boys with these women!!!

8.  Photography

Brooke also has a journal of a photography newbie and Darcy has a series titled 31 days to better photos that I’m going to be playing with and working through.  No time limits there…I want to take my time and learn how to take good pictures with my new camera!!!

9. Blogging

I’ve found several sources and sites to hopefully help with my intentional blogging.  On is Ann Voskamp’s Upside Down blogger’s prayer.  I’m also working through another series about finding the purpose of my blog and working to be more knowledgeable about blogging (html, buttons, codes…since I apparently have trouble with buttons…half had to be deleted because they didn’t show up!!).  I have many friends that are mentoring me, answering my questions and helping me through it all!!!

10.  Weight loss and overall health

Of course, I’m still doing weight watchers and I downloaded the app for my iPhone.  It’s helping me keep track of my points.  I also have the couch 2 5k app and I did day 1 week 1 today on the treadmill!!!  I plan to keep tracking about my weigh ins on my Wednesday posts and hope to track my couch 2 5k somewhere too!!!

Bonus…#11.  Project Simplify:

 

I’m overwhelmed with all the stuff we have and I’m encouraged by Tsh’s book Organized Simplicity.  (although I won’t let myself read it until I’m done with B90days).  I’m super excited about this project and I’m hoping to participate….

…because seriously…how cute is that button!!!!

 

Wow, lots of stuff…no wonder I feel so busy!!!  It feels good to have it all down!!!  thanks for reading my top 10 list…for more lists check out Oh Amanda and let me know if I’m missing any jewels out there on the old www.

Much Love,

Finding the hard eucharisteo

I honestly thought when I started reading one thousand gifts my hard eucharisteo was going to be living in the essence of three loud rambunctious boys. I thought that was the lesson God was going to teach me. Slow down. Nothing is an emergency. After all, I felt as though I had arrived when I read in Chapter 4:

I just want to time to do my one life well.

Yes, that was my hard eucharisteo, learning to live in the moment, with these boys, being all there, tasting life as if it were sweet each day. Enjoying the right now.

And while I’m learning that and it is making a huge change in my life, I seeing there is even more to my story.

Photo by Abigail at Pixosphere

As I read the chapters in the book about people stricken with cancer, I nodded my head along. Yes, I understand. No it hasn’t directly affected my life negatively. I’ve considered myself pretty lucky. My sister has had a few melanoma successfully removed. My best friend from college lost her mom to battle with breast cancer right after we both got married. My husbands grandma is a breast cancer survivor.

But to see the effects of the disease, in my own life, in my own tight circle…I had not.

You see, I work in a hospital. I’m a pharmacist. I deal with death and dying every day. I feel like I’m sometimes pretty numb to disease, unfortunately it comes with the territory.

Photo by Cassandra at Pixosphere

So when I found out that my dad had spots show up on his liver and lungs on what I thought was going to be a routine CT scan, I got the air knocked out of me.

My beautiful view of the sky above, my living slow and soaking in all that was good suddenly became cold and gray.

Photo by Ashley at Pixosphere

My room was spinning. Suddenly I was on the other side of the hospital bed. I was a family member of a patient instead of the worker. I went to work that night afraid. I literally spent most of the night trying to catch my breath. And I felt silly crying or being worried. We have no diagnosis, no confirmation. We have time. Time to wait, stew, and think about every situation.

Luckily though, I’d been in a one thousand gifts frame of mind. I remembered what I had read in Chapter 5.

Eucharisteo is not our default mode.

All is grace only because all can be transfigured.

I awaken to the strange truth that all new life comes out of the dark places, and hasn’t it always been?

God is always good and I am always loved.

~~~

I work overnight and as I drove home that morning my clouds literally began to part.

Photo by Hope at Pixosphere

There are new mercies each morning. I serve the same God I did the day before. That God that was my sweet tea. The God that was showing me His face in the peanut butter covered face of my middle boy. (#13) He was showing me His face in the toys scattered about my living room. I was seeing Him just days earlier in things that were simple. He was whispering in my ear, “slow down, life is not an emergency” and, “I am here with you.”

Ann Voskamp said that there is a difference in expressing gratitude in horrific experiences and that God grieves the horrible with you. I had to chew on this like stale bread. Then remind myself that this isn’t a horrific experience yet. We have no idea what lies ahead.

And no matter what does, no matter the outcome, My God that I serve is the same today as He was yesterday. He is my I Am and I Will Be. Nothing has changed. And even if we get a poor prognosis, God is still on my team. He lavishes me with gifts every day!!

I’m thankful for the decision to have a one thousand gifts frame of mind right now. It’s not easy, but it has reminded me in these last few days that I am not alone.

And my dad, he’ll be ok. He’s a fighter. We’re taking it one day at a time. He meets with an oncologist this Friday and has an appointment with one of the best Cancer Centers in the country later this month. I would appreciate the continued prayers for him and my family. I pray specifically that God would use me and continue to help me keep a one thousand gifts frame of mind even if the darkest moments lie ahead.

And me, I think this whole experience will be showing me not to me so numb at work. Each person has a story, each person needs to see their own one thousand gifts. I pray God will let my work a gift to someone else.

May you see His gifts today,

Edited to add: linking up to thought provoking thursday

Weight watchers week 6 and sick kids

I weighed in this am and lost another 2.6 lbs!! I've lost a total of 10.8lbs since starting 12/7!! I'm so excited and proud of myself. Overall I feel like I'm eating healthier and feel better overall!!

On another note- Max had croup last week and Jake was diagnosed with an ear infection. I'm praying that Cole stays healthy, although he has a well visit next week so we'll be 3 for 3 with pedi visits in 3 weeks!!!

We're ok....

I know I've been MIA but we're ok...just trying to finally get healthy (which I think we all are!!!). Jake has gotten his first tooth and now he's much happier!!!

I have a goal this week to get all my recipes from toddler cooking posted!! So if you're visiting from Tricia's blog...welcome!! I hope you enjoy what you read about and let me know who you are!! I'll try to get those recipes posted so check back!!!

Catching up....

Wow...Only 5 days into 2009-what a roller coaster!!!
**if you came here to see what the tagging is all about-check at the end of the post!!!**

So first off, we had a fabulous New Years Day with old friends (and new friends too!!!). Deb and Erin, Tim, and Stella came along with Kara, her mom Sue, and Baby Charlie!!! This was my first time meeting Stella and Charlie. Wow...adorable little babies!!! It was amazing to catch up with friends and see these BFFs as moms for the very first time!!! I miss them dearly. It was great to talk about baby wearing and diaper bags and getting organized and working. Wow. I needed that so much!!!

However, then friday night I went to work and felt just horrible all night. I thought it was just still the horrible pregnancy side effects I've had....however, when I woke up on friday for work-just before I left-I started getting sick. I tried to sleep a little and go in late to work but it just didn't work out. I had the flu. The same flu bug that everyone else has gotten!! ugh. I didn't work saturday or sunday but today- Praise the Lord- I feel better than ever!!! I actually feel better than I have in months. You see, Sunday, Jason woke up with it too so we called our inlaws and they came to get Max and keep him overnight as we nursed ourselves back to health. Today we both feel much better and have gotten some things accomplished (like taking that tree down without Max's "help"). Jason called off work today though too...and good thing...we work for a while and then we both collapse. We really wanted to get the house disinfected from this bug so we deal with it no more!!!!

Max is on his way back now and we just can't wait to see him. I've missed him so much!!!

And-my friend Meghan had her baby girl!!! Of course we were gonna go visit her on saturday before I went to work, but that all changed when I got sick. So I'm giving myself 24 hours to assure that I'm ok before I go get my hands on her...but I can't wait!!!

**My friend Katie tagged me. I call her my friend...I don't know her. I read her blogs. We met on a chat board. She's a mom. She's awesome and has a great blog about cooking and has inspired many of us on the mom board to work on our grocery budgets. She inspires me!!! So yes, it sounds weird, but my friend Katie tagged me!!! I've never been tagged so I feel uber cool. Haha...doesn't take much to excite this mama!!!

Here it goes....

Here are the rules...

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog (copy and paste 1-6)
3. Write 6 random things about yourself.
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

http://busymomscookbook.blogspot.com/

1. I hate New Years Resolutions but still make them every year. So far I'm doing ok on my devotional this year and the house is clean!!!
2. I'm terrified to have 2 under 2.
3. I'm not sure how many kids we'll have now (this pregnancy has been rough).
4. I love to cook and get excited to include Max (and other kids) in the process.
5. I desire to be uber organized but I feel like I constantly fail. But I'm working on it.
6. I can't believe how much being a mom has changed me. My faith is stronger even though it's tested more. I am more aware of my surroundings (read: I'm more green). It's crazy!

Ok, You've been tagged:

1. Lorien
2. Nicole (or John...not sure who updates it)
3. Erin
4. Ali
5. Erin
6. Jill

Now, again, some of these are real life friends, some I "know" from the internet, and others are blogs I just love to read. Sorry, hope I don't freak anyone out!!!

Charles.....

One of my BFFs Kara had her baby!!! A baby boy named Charles was born friday night (11/7)!!! From what I understand he's doing great-but Kara needs our prayers!!! She's on antibiotics and is having some issues with fevers and maybe post op stuff!! Just be praying for her!!

Thanks!!! Love ya Kara!!! Can't wait to meet Charlie!!!

I'm sick.....

This isn't directly pregnancy related-except I think the pregnancy may have exacerbated it!! I have a cold that may actually just be allergies. Darn Ohio Indian Summer!!! It was 70s all week and I think whatever has me allergic was in full affect!!! Plus we're working on that basement (we need space, remember?) and well basements are damp and dusty. So I have no voice and a horrible cough!!! Luckily, my husband and son don't have it which has convinced me even more that it's allergies. My problem is that I just can't get enough sleep to get over this. When I lay down I cough. I hack. I don't sleep!!!!

Pray that I can get over this. I work all weekend!! Ugh....


And I'm patiently waiting an update on my BFF Kara...she's being induced today....and we're eager to find out if Kid L is a bouncing baby boy or girl!!!