Where is the Sun?

Last month I posted about dancing in the rain… I feel like it’s been pouring ever since.

I’ve mentioned it quite a bit on twitter but I wanted to update on here.  I’m having a rough patch.  It’s hard trying to balance my own gaggle of littles and a sick parent at the same time.  Jason has cut back his work hours so I can have my days during the week to be with dad.  It’s tough to sit there and just watch him sleep but I know he’s thankful I’m there.  And I’m just praying he feels the comfort of Jesus through my hands and feet serving him.  I’m so appreciative of Jason’s support to allow me to spend time with dad…but I’m struggling with balance.

I miss my boys.  I miss cooking for them.  I’m tired.  I want to work out.  My diet is non-existent right now (which is really hurting me because my dad made me promise to not let his illness deter my diet).  I want to do fun home pre-school activities with my boys.  I want to plant my garden.  I want to blog.

Psalm 42: 11 (the Message) Why are you down in the dumps dear soul?  Why are you crying the blues?  Fix my eyes on God-soon I’ll be praising again.  He puts a smile on my face.  He is my God

This morning instead of looking at the things that are out of focus and blurry, I want to look at things that are in focus….

I’ve been finding my strength in God’s word (writing out my SOAP notes from reading in Psalms).

I’ve been praying for my boys daily using the Warrior Prayers.

I’m gearing up for my mental battles using Hide His Word.

I’m still counting my blessings and processing the book one thousand gifts.

I have wonderful friends physically present in my life and in cyberspace.  It’s as if God knew I would need support and encouragement right now (grin).

 

After a night when my dreams torment me and a rough morning of feeling like I can’t get it together I remembered the things that are in focus.  I feel peace calming my heart, washing over me like a waterfall.  The sun will soon shine and all that is in my heart to accomplish will either be accomplished or just not matter.  I’m focusing right now on what is most important.  At times I may feel like it’s not enough but I have to step back and bring my blurry view back to focus.

 

Have you ever had things out of focus?  Felt dizzy and unbalanced?  I’d love to know how you juggle the desire to do it all…I’d love to know how you balance kids and work and family and exercise.  Really, help me out…tell me?  Let’s talk about it!!!  I want to get through this stronger on the other side!!! 

Sunday SOAP

 

Psalm 11 SOAP from 4/15/11

S.  Psalm 11:1a I trust in the Lord for protection…

O.  I need to trust in Him- and not be afraid!!  He protects me and my loved ones.

A.  What can I do to increase my trust in Him?  This is a recurring theme in my life right now, isn’t it?

P.  Lord, show me the bigger picture…help me to put the puzzle together.  Help me to trust in You!!!!

There is a lot going on in my life right now and I’m really struggling with trusting Him whole heartedly.  I’m feeling overwhelmed with life in general and am trying to figure out how to slow down and let Him work in and through me.  I would appreciate your prayers.  I am thankful for the things God is showing me through His word…

Psalm 18 SOAP from 4/23/11

S.  Psalm 18:19 He brought me out into a spacious place, He rescued me because He delighted in me. v.28. You Lord, keep my lamp burning, my God turns my darkness into light.

O.  Still the same theme…peace, safe, calm…light vs. dark

A.  Even though I’m overwhelmed…I can feel Him tugging on my heart trying to calm me with His peace…I look for His spacious place to rest.  I remember that He lights my path when it’s dark.

P.  Lord- take me to that spacious place where I can breathe again.  Help me to continue to seek you, even when overwhelmed and burnt out…for I know you will light my path.  I praise you for your new mercies each day and thank you for loving me.

Friday morning I felt discouraged by my “hard” week…Max has an ear infection, Jake got his tubes, Dad got moved to an ECF/rehab and we wait to find out if he will get chemo.  I felt burnt out and felt like it was hard to catch my breath.  Then I remembered it was Good Friday…and no matter how hard my week was…Jesus endured a week even harder some 2000 years ago and He did it just for me…He did it just for you….and He’d do it all again.  He carried the burden of the cross for me…so I could live.  I may have bad days, but His have been worse.  And while my hard days are still hard (and not all the sudden easy because of that realization), I know I can handle whatever comes my way through Him.  And because He carried the cross and not only died for my sins, but rose again on the third day, I can live. 

And I hope this fullness of my heart continues not only through this Easter weekend, but throughout my days…

 

Celebrating our risen Lord,

Top Ten Tuesday, my couch 2 5 K playlist….

 

I’ve been trying to work through Couch 2 5K (for like the past 2 months).  I was just using my Seeds Family Worship playlist (which I absolutely love and listen to All. The. Time.) but I thought it would be fun to pump it up a little and create a fun playlist.  Inspired by another top 10 Tuesday post, I thought I’d share my running playlist

(and I should disclaimer this: it’s not so much a run and it is a walk with a slight thump in my step…)

1. Unwritten (Sisterhood of the traveling pants soundtrack)
2. Firework (katy perry) (I usually find out what’s popular “musically” from Glee- and once it’s on Glee it’s usually an older song…but I fell in love with this song when it was on Glee)
3. This is the Stuff (Francesca Battistelli- love her new album)
4. Out of the Mud (Seeds of Courage)
5. It’s your life (Francesca Battistelli- played on a past season of Biggest Loser during the “marathon episode” and always inspires me)
6. Do not be anxious (Seeds of Courage)
7. LA Baby (Jonas brothers – don’t just me)
8. Crushed (seeds of courage)
9. Mr. Brightside (the killers- one of my husbands fav bands and takes me back to our dating days)
10. The Good Song (seeds of courage)
11. Ask, Seek, Knock (seeds of courage- my cooldown/ stretching song)

So there you go…my top 10 running songs with a bonus cool down song!!!

And I love my Couch 2 5K app for my iPhone which allows me to play my own music while I “run”.

For more top 10 lists…check out oh Amanda!!

Multitudes on Mondays (and Tuesdays)

 

Only a day behind…but here it goes….

 

78.  first mowing of spring

79.  cooking out

80.  dirty faces after outdoor play

81.  green beans

82. bath time for boys

83.  little boys curls after bath time

84.  my 3 1/2 year old recognizing the Chevrolet symbol on papa’s new car

85.  when my 2 year old sleeps in

86.  my boys packed up to go to papa’s house

87.  starting a new journal

88.  time to journal, think, and process all that’s going on

89.  jason being able to spend the day with dad at the hospital

90.  my inlaws watching the boys so I can sleep for work and jason could spend day with dad.

 

So much going on, but God is showing me His face in all the details!!!  I’m loving having a eucharisteo heart.  For more gifts, check out Ann Voskamp’s blog.

Much Love,

Multitudes on Mondays 4/11/11

Friends, if you know me or ready any of my blog posts in the last few weeks, you know I’ve been in a dark place.  But many things are pulling me through this, especially Ann Voskamp’s words in her book “one thousand gifts.”

“When it gets dark, it’s only because God has tucked me in a cleft of the rock and covered me, protected, with His hand.” (chapter 8, one thousand gifts- beautiful thoughts based on Exodus 33:22-23)

“…but to give thanks is an action and rejoice is a verb and these are not mere pulsing emotions.  While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving.” (chapter 9, one thousand gifts)

So many more, so much going through my mind, so much to process, and so much eucharisteo…

64. one pound lost

65. smoothies

66. rotisserie chicken (I do believe God created this in order to save dinner time for mothers)

67. good time with my dad

68. my amazing husband

69. SOAP notes

 

70. praying for my boys

71. praying for my dad

72. 6 months old

73. glimpses of spring

74. quiet times with God

75. good talks with my mom and my sisters

76. middle’s appointment to get his ear infections taken care of

77. medicine finally kicking in and my middle boy starting to act like himself.

While reading one thousand gifts I can feel my heart being tugged upon.  These words of Ann’s I feel like I could’ve spoken myself (chapter 8):

“Nothing has materially changed since yesterday’s fears, last week’s anxiety.  But I have.  I’m changing.  I am changing, deep changing, and I am giving thanks, doing eucharisteo and echaristeo is eureka and I know why there’s no fear and why I had never seen it before?....”

“Thanks is what builds trust.”  

“Every time fear freezes and worry writhes, every time I surrender to stress, aren’t I advertising the unreliability of God?...but I’m grateful to the Bridge Builder for the crossing of a million strong bridges, thankful for a million faithful moments, my life speaks my beliefs and I trust Him again.”

“Trust is my bridge from yesterday to tomorrow…”

“Stress can be an addiction and worry can be our lunge for control and we forget the answer to this moment is always yes because of Christ.”

“Eucharisteo always precedes the miracle.”

 

For more gifts, visit Multitude Mondays.

Much Love,

Sunday SOAP

 

I’ve decided to try a new feature here at Momma Kristi, mainly to help myself to accountable to my own personal quiet time.  I’ve never been great at a committed quiet time.  I do really well when it comes to following someone else’s words or study (I’ve loved doing Beth Moore, Kay Arthur and Elizabeth George studies).  I seem to get easily distracted when I just try to sit and read!   I learned about a Bible Study method at my church a few summers ago and have really enjoyed (when I’ve used it).  It’s called SOAP notes and it’s based a book by Wayne Cordeiro and if you’d like more info about it, please let me know!!!

Unfortunately I got out the habit of it, but then I found the B90days challenge at www.Momstoolbox.com  and I noticed she had some information about SOAP on her site.  I got really excited and decided to join up with the B90days challenge, but decided not to try SOAPing it, I was worried about getting overwhelmed.

But now B90days is over, I graduated, I’m so excited about it!!  However, in the days immediately following B90days, I found myself missing my time in the Word.  I tried several days just to read, threw around some ideas of what to do instead and ended up doing nothing.  Since I’m doing the Hide His Word Challenge and 21 Days of Prayers for our Sons, I knew I didn’t want to bite off too much.  After chatting with a friend, I decided to follow her suggestion and SOAP through the Psalms.

So every Sunday I’m *hoping* to post one of my SOAP notes from my week.  Here’s day one of my new SOAP journal:

Psalm 1 Delight (4/6/11)

Scripture:  But his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night. Psalm 1:2

Observation:  He loves (delights in) the Word of God (the law) and because of that he thinks about it (meditates) all the time!!!

Apllication:  How can I delight in the law- what can I do to be in the Word day and night? Through SOAP notes, topical studies, memorizing, praying scripture & music.

Prayer:  Lord, I’m here now, I want you to be my delight!  I want to meditate on your word and I want it in my mind and heart and I want to share it with others too!!  Thank you for the tools- show me what and how!!!  Thank you Jesus!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Day 6 in the 21 days of prayer for sons challenge

I mentioned before that I was joining up with my bloggy friend Brooke for her 21 days of prayer for sons challenge and it started last Friday.  I’m committing to pray for my boys 5 days a week from the scriptures that Brooke compiled in her e-book Warrior Prayers. 

(I had my e-book spiral bound and I love love love it!!)

Praying the actual scriptures for my boys is a new concept to me thanks to Brooke.  It’s a simple concept really, and I love how it’s keeping me in the Word (one of my steps to fight the battles going on in my life that I mentioned yesterday)

I’m so thankful for this challenge and it’s causing me to see my boys differently.  So far I’ve prayed for their obedience, submission to authority, integrity, avoiding foolishness, pride, and purity.  I’m finding these prayers are appropriate to pray for myself and Jason as we walk in our faith as well.

The actual challenge involves 10 verses on each topic every day to pray over your boys.  I’ve been tweaking my morning routine this last week and I think I’ve found something that works.  When I get up (not nearly as early as I wanted to be, but we’re working on it), I’m having my quiet time with the Lord.  During my prayer time for the boys, I’ve decided to write the prayers out in a moleskine notebook so I can keep them with me every day and refer to them throughout the day. I’m kind of hoping this attitude of prayer becomes a way of life for me and that these prayers don’t just stay with me for 21 days.

Photo taken with the Instagram app on my iPhone

(I have a slight addiction to these little moleskine notebooks and am using them for nearly everything!!).

So there you have it, that is how this prayer challenge is going for me.  I love it, I love how it’s changing my attitude and I love how it’s changing my heart for my boys!!!

Are you participating in the #21days4sons?  How are you using the prayers and ebook?

 

I’m linking this up with the other amazing mom’s and dad’s that are also praying for their sons at Brooke’s blog today.  Please hop on over…she’s giving away a book!!

 

Much love,

 

Some days are just hard….

I’m trying really hard to get it together, honestly I am.  I feel like I have a lot on my plate.  I just want to be completely honest with everyone out there, some days are just hard!! 

 

I’m not saying this to have people feel sorry for me or tell me I can get through it, I just want to get it out!!  I don’t want to sound whiney, but again, some days are just hard.

I feel like my to do list is never ending…I have really really good intentions.

I just want to take care of my dad and fix everything.

My middle boy needs tubes in his ears, and that is scheduled for the same day as dad’s next chemo round.

Sometimes, no matter how much you read, pray, and trust in God to take care of things, there is still anxiety and depression.  I do not believe that this anxiety and depression I am feeling is because a lack of faith or a particular sin in my life.  I know I am a sinner but I also know I am saved by the grace of Jesus Christ.

So what do you do when that other stuff rears its ugly head?

Here’s my plan:

Spend time in the Word daily.

Memorize Scripture in order to have verses on my heart and in my mind instead of negative self talk.

Pray fervently each day for others needs (to help me take the focus off of myself).

Pray fervently for myself every day!!

Talk to my husband and be honest about what is going on with me.

Talk to my doctor at my appointment on Monday about all this is going on in my life and see if I have some more options medication wise.

Rest, rest, rest.

Ask for prayers from others.

Continue to read encouraging words from others (namely one thousand gifts).

Make a list of all that needs done, line it up with my priorities and see what matters most!

Be BRAVE.

Know what my limits are and ask for help when I need it.

Remember these words:

Psalm 27:14 (New Living Translation)

¹⁴ Wait patiently for the Lord.
      Be brave and courageous.
      Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

 

He will not give up on me and He is not finished with me!!

 

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional.  I’m a mom that has suffered from depression, postpartum depression and anxiety.  I’m a believer in Jesus Christ.  I believe this is not how God intended me to feel and I believe that we, as moms, deserve to get help when we need it!!  Depression can be serious and nasty, please seek professional help if you are experiencing symptoms or are afraid.

Have you ever experienced depression?  What have you done to battle it?  Can I pray for you somehow?  If you’d rather not comment, feel free to use the button on the side to email me.  I’d love to talk to you!!

 

Also, I now have my blog set up for email subscribing, have a daily dose (or however often I post) delivered for free right into your mailbox!!  Fill in your address on the box to the right.

I believe that even though I don’t have it all together now, nor may I ever have it all together, God is using this time to use me, maybe it’s to help you.  I’m sure I still have stuff to learn too!!  Let’s take this journey together!!

Much Love,

Multitudes 52-63

 

I haven’t posted a multitude Monday post since 3/15/11.  I pulled out my notebook overnight and I saw my scribbles:

52. Starting fresh after a week off

53. the craziness that is right now

54. online friends that walk with me

55. girl scout cookies

56. grandparents that help watch babies

57. ruby red grapefruit

58. coffee

I haven’t added to my list for a few weeks.  Ann is right when she says eucharisteo is not the norm.  I’m trying so hard to get through my days lately, I’ve not looked through God’s lens to see what He wants me to see.  So now I will try to reflect…

Two Saturday’s ago, dad had his first chemo.  I was sick myself and on antibiotic so I couldn’t go (plus I had to work).  It was really hard for me to be away.  Come to find out later, he really wasn’t doing well.  His labs were way out of wack and honestly they shocked both Jason (he’s an RN) and myself (a pharmacist).  This week was spent with 2 trips to his place trying to help him get settled, phone calls to insurance & home health, and trips to wal*mart for supplies. 

Looking back on the last few weeks, here’s what I’m thankful for

59. Chemo (as painful as it is to know that the meds are hurting his body, it’s also trying to stop the disease and I’m thankful for modern medicine)

60. Family (my sisters and our families all stayed at a hotel in his town Saturday night so we could spend time together – at his request).  It was a great time and my boys loved it!!

61. On Sunday morning my sisters went to church with my dad.  It was his first time out since chemo other than to get his shot on Wednesday.  It was hard to see him so exhausted and it took all his energy, but he was so proud to have us at church with him and for that I’m thankful.

62. The Hide His Word Challenge I’ve been doing…memorizing God’s promises has really sustained me in these last few weeks.  I love that His word is what comes to mind when I get down instead of negative self talk!!

63. Coworkers that cover my shift so I can spend time with my family (I was so afraid I would have to work instead of go).

So here I am…trying to get back into the eucharisteo mindset.  Now that B90 days is done (yay!!!) I’m gonna allow myself to read a little more during my quiet time.  I’m eager to finish 1000 gifts and watch the videos along with it.  I really do want to slow down and sip each moment we have in life right now!!!

I’m linking this up with Multitude Mondays on a holy experience.

Much Love,

For Such a Time as This.....

Very few things did I expect to change as 2011 started. I made some goals, both large and small…and vowed to give it my all this year.

I had no idea that by starting to read the Bible, I’d be challenged and find a discipline within me that I didn’t know existed. I had no idea that I would, through a simple Bible reading challenge, be introduced to a whole new world (twitter). I had no idea I would find other challenges (#hellomornings, #warriorprayers, & #3in30) that would become part of my daily life. I had no idea I would meet some sweet sisterfriends to share life with.

I honestly thought this 90 day Bible reading challenge at Mom’s Toolbox would simply be a bootcamp of sorts, getting me into the Word daily. I hoped that I could keep up but I knew that I couldn’t dwell on what the written Word said, I just wanted to get through it. I was able to do the reading every day, and while some days were extremely hard to read, other days (and most days in fact) the words came to life in front of me!!! My heart ached through the Psalms, I was at the edge of my seat in Acts, and I felt encouraged through Philippians.

The challenge was to read the entire Bible, cover to cover, in 90 days. 88 days of reading in fact with 2 grace days. I’m pleased and so proud to tell you that I finished on day 85!!! Once I got to the shorter epistles I couldn’t put the book down!! I’m amazed!!!

A few things that helped me along the way… *the support I got through Mom’s Toolbox and the #b90days thread on twitter *using youversion.com on my blackberry (and then my iphone once we got those). *reading constantly, every day, reading reading reading *limiting my reading of other books, magazines, chat boards -I started 1000 gifts and have been reading it very slowly, I read no nonfiction during my B90days

During the 90 day journey I’ve found a new commitment to my faith. I’m part of a fun community of believers and am so excited to be attending Relevant 11 this fall and meeting some of these women face to face. I’m continuing with my #3in30 journey (setting 3 goals each month) and #hellomornings (where I’m committing to wake up early each day to spend time with the Lord and accomplish things). I’ve also started #HideHisWord (memorizing select verses of Philippians) and #21days4sons (praying for my boys with over 125 other moms and dad’s during the month of April).

The biggest thing I’ve noticed is how I’ve reacted to the way life happened during these 90 days. I had no idea when I picked the word BRAVE to be my word for 2011 how much I would need the B90days to give me strength. In the 90 days I’ve been reading the Bible some things have rocked my world.

My middle son, Jake has been on 5 rounds of antibiotics. In February all 3 boys went to the pediatrician sick, and one specific week in March 4 out of the 5 of us were on antibiotics. Poor Jake has to follow up with the ENT next week. But also, in February my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 small cell metastatic lung cancer. He’s had his first round of chemo and we’re working on getting his 2 story apartment more conducive to him living there by himself in between chemo rounds.

Now, while I haven’t handled these 2 things perfectly, I know I’ve handled them better than I would have this time last year. I think it’s amazing that I chose my word this year to be BRAVE because this has been some of the hardest 3 months of my life. But each day I spent time in the Word, time with my God, finding comfort in His written Word, and craving it more and more. So much so that when I started my Couch 2 5 K I’ve been listening to the CDs I bought for the boys (Seeds Family Worship) just so I could tuck more of His word in my mind.

I can’t even imagine what life would be like right now had I not been involved in the Bible in 90 days challenge. I can’t begin to think how much more stressed, depressed, and anxious I would be had I not gotten involved with this community of believers.

Mordecai said in Esther Chapter 4, “And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”

Who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this…. God knew what I needed for what lies ahead of me…I truly believe that. He has given me the shield and sword, He has made me BRAVE. I still have long ways to go, and I’m not there…just because I read the Bible in 90 days, but it has helped to prepare me for such a time as this. It has introduced me to a new community for such a time as this. I’m a better daughter, sister, mother and wife because of it. I’m ready for each new day, whatever is ahead of me because I know He is for me. I’m ready to memorize more scripture, pray for my sons, minister to new moms, and tackle anxiety and depression. And as each day comes, I wonder what will be in my path, and remind myself that God has prepared me for such a time as this. I encourage you to join the Bible in 90 days Challenge…see what God has in store for you!!! I’m so thankful I believed enough in myself to give it a try. This is the first time I’ve read the entire Bible in all my years of being a Christian. I love the bootcamp mentality I had with it and honestly, I miss reading it that much each day. I know I will do it again, I want to help other women see what God has in store for them in their time!!! Did you read the Bible in 90 days? What did you learn? Would you like to try the Bible in 90 Days challenge? Let me know..I want to help you out!!!

much love,

Ultimate Blog Party 2011 *Party Post*

I had planned to take a short break from blogging to work on some bloggy stuff…but my twitter feed lit up last night with the #UBP11 hashtag

So I decided I just had to join!!! 

Hi!!  I’m MommaKristi

I’m a believer in Jesus, wife, mom to 3 boys.

I’m a stay at home mom during the week, pharmacist on night shift weekends at a local hospital.

I’m a wannabe runner, wannabe photographer, wannabe organized mom!!

I love to cook, garden, can the produce, be creative and play with my boys.

I’m a Post Partum Depression survivor, a weight watcher, a Bible in 90 days challenge completer, Scripture memorizer, Warrior Prayer.

I am a sinner saved by the blood of Jesus Christ and I’m just trying to get things right!!

I’ve been blogging since the birth of my oldest boy (he’s 3 and 1/2) but I’ve just become more active since the beginning of 2011…and it’s been life changing!!!

Grab a cup of coffee or tea and join me in this journey.  Please comment because I’d love to get to know you!!

Feel free to follow me on Twitter @MommaKristi

Be patient with me…my blog (and myself) are a work in progress!!!

Much Love,

3 in 30 April 1, 2011

I can’t even believe we’re in April already!!!  Where did March go my friends?  I think I did well on my March goals even though I didn’t check in…but the past is behind me and here is what is ahead!!!

Goal #1:  Work focused

My bloggy friend Amanda at

has been doing a series entitled “working with delight” on her blog and it really has me thinking about my attitude at my job.  Recently, work has kind of been a nuisance to me!!  I decided it needs to change.

So goal #1 is involving my job as a pharmacist on weekend nights at the local hospital.

Overall I want to have a better attitude going in there…I’m a completely different person there than I am the rest of my life.

Tangibly speaking, I want to complete at least one third to half of my Continuing Education in April.  I have to report every 3 years and last time I did 3 years worth of CE in about a month.  Ay yay yay!! 

Thank you Amanda for inspiring me to do this!!!

 

Goal #2:  Body/fitness related

I fell off the Couch 2 5K wagon over the last 2 weeks because I was sick.  I’d like to get back on that and back to tracking my WW points and lose some weight!!!

Specifically: C25K 3x/week and track my Good Health Guidelines

Goal #3:  Slow Down

This one may be hard to measure, but in light of everything going on in my life, I want to slow down, find my eucharisteo groove of finding my one thousand gifts, and not see life as such a rush.

I’m hoping these three goals work together for me and help me get through another month!! 

 

Need motivation, check out 3in30 link-up and join us!!!

What are your goals for April?

Much Love,